


diamond in the rough

by thunderylee



Category: NewS (Band)
Genre: Allusions to Child Abuse, Alternate Universe - Lawyers, M/M, POV First Person, Romance, Supernatural Elements
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-12-01
Updated: 2008-12-01
Packaged: 2019-02-03 14:56:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 23,001
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12750585
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thunderylee/pseuds/thunderylee
Summary: Kato Shigeaki is your typical white-collar prosecutor. He leads a semi-normal life with his job-hopping roommate, puts corporate scumbags in jail, and hasn’t dated since college. However, when his junior who specializes in criminal cases gets too much on his plate and offers Shige an ‘easy win’, he comes face-to-face with Officer Koyama Keiichiro and learns that empathy is horribly underrated.





	diamond in the rough

**Author's Note:**

> reposted from agck.

He won’t meet my eyes.

I know he’s lying from the minute he’s sworn in and sits down, staring at the flat top of the witness stand instead of at me. This doesn’t look very good to the jury because he’s _on my side_.

“Officer Koyama,” I state clearly, staring at his downcast eyes even harder in an attempt to lift them up with my will alone. “Please tell the court how you found the victim.”

“I had a feeling,” Officer Koyama replies, not confidently at all. “I separated from my unit and went to check the back of the house, the garden area where it looked like fresh dirt had been laid.”

I pace as he speaks, uncomfortable in this criminal prosecutor skin and wishing not for the first time that my junior hadn’t pawned this case off on me. I’m a civil prosecutor, not criminal – “But it’s a sure ‘guilty’, Shige!” Tegoshi had begged me, overlooking the honorifics as usual. “The victim is alive and has identified the defendant! All you have to do is tell the jury.”

A _jury_ case. It’s my first one, but I didn’t tell him that. He probably already knew. We’ve only been out of school and practicing for a couple years, and civil offenses like embezzlement and tax evasion don’t require a jury. Twelve faces watch me curiously as I pace, making me feel like I’m the one on the stand instead of this quack.

“What made you dig up the garden?” I ask curiously, amazed at how one person could do all of this solely on a hunch.

Officer Koyama plays with his fingers. “I heard her crying.”

I stop dead in my tracks, because the little girl had been unconscious for several hours when the police found her.

He still won’t meet my eyes.

::

“Honey, I’m home,” I call out sarcastically as I kick off my shoes and step into Little Italy, also known as my apartment. My roommate is the absolute definition of ‘gay’, right down to the elaborate meals and interior decorating. It’s a good thing he can’t keep a job, really, or I wouldn’t eat nearly as well.

It’s like being married without the sex. Sometimes I don’t know whether to be grateful or feel like I got screwed.

“Look at the size of this breadstick,” Ryo’s saying incredulously, closely examining a very long breadstick indeed. “I think this would be more than enough for _both_ of us.”

The breadstick chooses that moment to fall over, bending completely in half and resorting us to completely adolescent snickers. “Or not,” I amend, squeezing past Ryo to grab some wine from the fridge.

“One step ahead of you,” Ryo says with a smirk, pointing to where a glass has already been poured on the counter. “Am I housewife material or what?”

“All you’re missing is the pussy,” I point out, resisting the urge to make man-gina jokes. Mostly because Ryo’s one of those bottoms who likes to claim that he’s a top, except that nobody believes him. “And the husband,” I add.

“I’m working on that,” Ryo says as I pick up the glass to take a sip. “I met a guy at the gym today.”

I nearly choke on my wine. “The gym?” I repeat, eyes wide. “It’s not a specifically _gay_ gym, Ryo. How do you know he’s one of us?”

“He’s not,” Ryo tells me, handing me a bowl of spaghetti with homemade sauce that has me salivating too much to actually process what he’s saying. “He has a girlfriend and everything.”

The word “girl” pierces through my food-gasm. “What is it with you and turning guys?” I wonder out loud. “Like you can’t be attracted to guys who are _already gay_.”

Ryo just grins. “I made you dinner, now listen to me dish about my future husband.”

It’s always something. When he cleans the apartment, I have to listen to him bitch about every gay friend we have and what they’re doing wrong in their lives. Even the few girls we know, they can’t live to Ryo’s approval either. In his mind, he thinks that everybody should exist just like him, which really isn’t a bad deal when it comes down to it – it’s not like he pays rent or anything.

So I enjoy the delicious Italian meal in exchange for learning everything there is to know about Ryo’s new boy-crush and his amazing ass. I think his ass was mentioned twice as much as everything else, although the moles “peppered” all over his skin (Ryo’s word, not mine; I’m not _that_ gay) caught my attention enough to interrupt.

“Moles?” I repeat, not bothering to swallow my mouthful first. “Aren’t those kind of gross?”

“Like Tegoshi’s,” Ryo clarifies, making me cringe and lose my appetite a little. When Ryo first met my junior, he wanted to ‘turn’ him too. Still does, I’m sure. “Only more, lots more. It’s like a fucking constellation all over his body, and I want to connect every single dot. With my _tongue_.”

I nod, unfazed. This is typical dinner conversation for us. We draw the line at the backdoor, however – some things should just not be discussed while one is eating. It’s okay for dessert, though.

“Hey Kato,” Ryo says in an odd tone as we finish eating and clean up. “Who is Koyama Keiichiro?”

I break out into a cold sweat. “Why do you know that name?”

Ryo pauses, tilting his head to look at me curiously. “Oh my god, this guy must be _super_ hot. I haven’t seen you do this since college!”

“It’s not that,” I say honestly, shaking with the force of my shiver and feeling very paranoid all of the sudden. “This guy, he’s not normal. He’s one of those… psychics or whatever. Not in the way that he can tell the future, but like… I don’t know what to call it.”

“Okay, okay, calm down,” Ryo says gently, leading me to the couch and looking a little worried. “Tell me everything.”

I do. It pours out like a volcanic eruption and I’m pretty sure that I don’t actually end my sentence until I’ve gone through the entire story. Tegoshi dropping the case on my lap, the specifics I memorized on the way to the courthouse, that creepy examination. “The police report never said where she was hidden, only that she had been abused and left for dead,” I conclude in a voice that’s barely above a whisper. “This cop found her because he _heard her crying_ when she had been buried alive.”

Ryo blinks. “That’s not psychic, Shige. That’s empathetic. _Very_ empathetic.”

I’m so disoriented that I don’t even notice him using my first name. “I thought empathy was like, when someone else is upset and it makes your heart hurt.”

“That’s exactly what it is,” Ryo says. “Except that this person seems to be able to do it telepathically.”

“That’s not possible,” I argue, calming down in the face of logic. “He wouldn’t even look at me while I examined him. Only liars won’t meet someone’s eyes.”

“No, only people who have something to hide won’t,” Ryo counters right back. “Because he’s so empathic, maybe he’s paranoid that other people can feel him as strongly as he can feel them. Maybe he’s a closet pervert or something.”

I frown. “That doesn’t make any sense. Even if he is more empathetic than most, he didn’t know that little girl at all. I didn’t get the whole story, though, only what Tegoshi blabbered to me before he pushed me out the door. Maybe if I had had a chance to meet with him before his examination, it wouldn’t have been so shocking.”

“It _is_ possible,” Ryo says quietly. “I can always tell when you’re upset.”

“Even when I’m not here?” I practically scream, unsure as to why I’m so riled up about this. “Being intuitive and empathetic are two completely different things, Ryo. If I send you a pissed off mail or come home and kick the wall, I expect you to know that I’m mad. If I do absolutely nothing and you know _exactly_ when my mood changes, that’s a little weird!”

“ _Calm down_ ,” Ryo says slowly, giving me a few shakes of the shoulders. “It doesn’t matter what kind of guy he is as long as you win the case, right?”

Now he’s speaking my language. “Yeah,” I respond, sitting up straighter as I see my first criminal victory behind my eyes. “The victim takes the stand tomorrow. She was beaten pretty badly, but she still has her right mind and her vision is fine, _and_ she’s old enough to have merit. She’ll point the defendant out and he’ll be convicted.”

“Thanks to Officer _Feelings_ ,” Ryo adds with a smirk. “Really, I don’t know why he’s sending _you_ flowers when _he_ was the one who saved the day.”

I stare at him long enough to comprehend his words, then follow his gesture over to the kitchen table where a vase of white and purple water lilies is serving as the centerpiece.

“You’re the worst gay man ever,” Ryo’s mocking, shaking his head. “We just _ate_ around them.”

I swallow forcibly. “How did he know..?”

“What?” Ryo asks, now fixing me with a confused expression. “That you like flowers? You’re Japanese, of course you like flowers.”

“No, water lilies,” I manage to say. “They’re my favorite. I don’t think I ever told you that.”

“You didn’t.” Ryo pauses, and we both spend a good while staring at the flowers. “Well, now you have to put out.”

“Ryo!” I exclaim, already feeling my face get hot. “He’s _scary_.”

Ryo rolls his eyes. “At least thank him for the flowers, you ungrateful bitch. And read the card – it even made _me_ tear up.”

“You say that like it’s hard,” I mutter as I carefully approach the flowers and grab the card like something’s going to bite me.

_Dear Kato-sensei,_

_Thank you for your hard work._

_It sure is a good feeling when justice is served, isn’t it?_

_I’m happy to have been a part of this case. Because of our combined efforts, a little girl will get to live without fear._

_Please give my best to Tegoshi-sensei, who usually works with me on these kinds of cases._

_I hope my testimony wasn’t too shocking (laugh)._

_Enforcing Tokyo from the heart,  
Officer Koyama Keiichiro_

Ryo’s giving me a knowing look when I finish reading and hide a sniffle. “Shut up,” I tell him, returning the card to the vase and fingering the soft petals of the lilies. “He’s too sentimental for me.”

“He’s _perfect_ for you,” Ryo contests, leaning against the doorway in a way that would be intimidating if he were taller. “And I haven’t even seen him!”

“He’s probably not gay,” I go on, taking it upon myself to do the dishes because I’m trying to stay busy. “He could be married for all I know. I didn’t even look at his hand.”

Ryo braces himself on the other side of the counter island and flicks my forehead to get my attention. “If you don’t at least thank him, you’re an insult to gay men everywhere.”

“Fine, I’ll thank him,” I snap, squirting soapy water in his face to show my discontent. “I’ll hunt down Tegoshi tomorrow and get his address. Will you get off my ass now?”

“Oh baby, you only wish I was on your ass.” Ryo wiggles his eyebrows and thankfully gets out of my face while I roll my eyes.

Our friends constantly ask me why I keep him around, and my answer is always because he’s too unstable to support himself. But I think we both know that no matter how annoying the other is, it’s better than being alone.

::

“Good morning, Tegoshi-kun,” I greet the top of my junior’s head, which is all I can see above the mountains of books and paperwork.

Tegoshi yawns in response, showing me his tonsils as I step closer, and I know right away that he didn’t sleep last night. “How’s the Takami case?” he asks groggily.

“Victim takes the stand today,” I tell him as I mix two cups of coffee and hand him the one with extra cream and sugar. “It is, as they say, ‘in the bag’.”

“Good work,” Tegoshi replies, accepting the cup gratefully and setting it next to the several empty ones that litter his desk. “How did you like Officer Koyama?”

I narrow my eyes. “It would have been nice to be warned of his… _abilities_ in advance.”

Tegoshi giggles. “I’ve examined him so many times I forget that what he does isn’t really normal.”

“Tell me about him,” I say casually, taking a seat in one of Tegoshi’s high-backed leather guest chairs. I make myself comfortable as I prepare to find out why I didn’t sleep well last night.

“Over breakfast,” Tegoshi responds simply, and before I even agree I already know that I’m buying.

Once we’re at the little diner next to our office building, Tegoshi rubs his eyes and regards me with a pitying look. “You don’t get out much, do you?”

“I could say the same thing about you,” I reply right away, defensively. “This line of work doesn’t leave much time for a social life.”

“That’s not what I meant,” Tegoshi says slowly, like he’s drunk. “Everybody who holds this kind of position in Tokyo knows who Koyama Keiichiro is. He’s practically famous for what he does, just kept out of the public eye.”

“Which is?” I prod. “Miraculously finding little girls in shallow graves?”

Tegoshi gives me a half-hearted glare. “He finds people, yes, because he can _feel_ them.”

I purse my lips together and sit back from the table. “I don’t believe it.”

“You wouldn’t,” Tegoshi says so naturally that I can’t even be offended. “But it’s true. I mean, _look_ at him. Do you think he has the physique or even the mentality to be a real cop? He flinches at even the mention of guns and has been known to burst out into tears in the middle of court. But they keep him around especially for cases like these.”

I don’t say anything, still not wanting to acknowledge that this is in fact reality and not a drama we’re discussing. “He sent me flowers,” I finally mumble. “Not even my best friend knows what kind are my favorite.”

Tegoshi is grinning when I raise my eyes to look at him. “Isn’t Kei-chan so thoughtful? He’s never sent me flowers, but we’ve been friends since my first case with him. He was really worried about being examined by you, but I told him that you’re almost as good as me.”

“Thanks,” I say dryly. Coming from Tegoshi, that’s a big compliment. “That still doesn’t explain how he _knew_ that they were my favorite, though.”

“Maybe you were unconsciously thinking about them,” Tegoshi says plainly, like it’s common for someone to pick up on something that _I_ didn’t even know I was thinking. “We’ve been out to dinner before and he’ll suddenly be like ‘Let’s get gelato after this!’ and I will realize that I had been craving gelato. _Or_ ,” he adds, before I can open my mouth to rebut (I’m a lawyer, it’s what I do), “this other time we were at the mall and I saw a pendant that reminded me of my grandmother who had just passed, and he was giving me a hug before I could even react.”

“That’s-” I start.

“He wasn’t even in the store,” Tegoshi goes on, and he knows just as well as I do that he finally got me. “It’s like he latches onto people he cares about, no matter the distance. He has a friend in New York whom he’ll get a strong feeling from every now and then, and when he calls it’s always something like his friend had just gotten dumped or in a fight.”

“How does that work in a case?” I ask curiously. “He doesn’t know the victims personally, yet he… _finds_ them.”

“He spends time with their families,” Tegoshi explains. “Sits in their bedrooms, touches their favorite things. Reads the books they like and follows their daily routines. Gets into their minds. It’s kind of creepy when you think about it, but it gets him to feel close to them and it’s easier to tune into their feelings, which are usually very strong, and then all he has to do is follow them. Kei-chan says that fear is the strongest feeling a person can have. It’s like an S.O.S. to him.”

I concentrate on eating my breakfast while this all marinates in my brain. Tegoshi lets me be, for once; he must really be tired or he would keep talking until I had to beg for thinking space. When I met him in law school, one year my junior, he was the only student to have been admitted with a degree in human psychology. When he was hired at the government attorney’s office, once again the year after me, he was immediately put on criminal cases because the partners felt that his education would allow him to get into the heads of murderers and psychopaths, therefore convicting them accordingly.

Somehow, it’s not surprising that Tegoshi and Officer Koyama are friends. Tegoshi doesn’t waste his time with people who aren’t beneficial to him in some way. He and I, we’re colleagues, not friends, yet I usually make his coffee in the morning and buy him meals at least three times a week. To the people who know him, however, this is completely normal.

And my roommate wants to sleep with him. In fact, after our conversation last night, my gaze keeps drifting to the little moles right above Tegoshi’s lip. If he notices, he doesn’t mention it, which is probably a good thing because he doesn’t know that I’m gay.

Scratch that. I’ve never _told_ him. He probably knows, because Tegoshi seems to know everyone’s business around here. He and Ryo would get along solely because they’re both gossip queens.

“I think Kei-chan would be good for you,” Tegoshi says suddenly, and that comment mixed with my train of thought has me dropping my fork and sputtering. “You seem so uptight.”

He has no idea. “And being around him is going to relax me?”

“Kei-chan makes people happy.” Tegoshi shrugs indifferently. “He says it’s why he exists.”

I blink as Ryo’s comment about this guy being a secret pervert comes to mind. Nobody can be _that_ selfless. I bet he has amateur schoolgirl porn on his computer, maybe gets off on touching little girls’ belongings or even pretends that he is in fact the victim herself.

Tegoshi’s eyeing me oddly. “You’re so cynical, Shige,” he says, and in light of recent events I’m no longer positive that he can’t read minds.

::

I’m a little toasted already by the time I get home that night, tripping over the dog and landing right on my face. I blow the pieces of carpet fuzz out of my mouth, exploding into laughter at the irony.

Okay, maybe I’m more than a little toasted. But I’d won my first criminal case and was bought a shot by nearly everyone in the firm, including Tegoshi who is now standing in the doorway with an amused expression.

“I always knew you were a carpet muncher,” Ryo greets me, tugging me up by the shoulders until he notices Tegoshi’s presence. “Oh, good evening, Tegoshi-san.”

“Good evening, Nishikido-kun,” Tegoshi replies, still smirking. “I’ll leave him to you, then?”

“You don’t have to-” Ryo starts, then composes himself. “Let me offer you a drink in return for bringing him home safely.”

Tegoshi holds up one hand in a polite refusal. “I’m in the middle of a murder case. But thank you for the offer.”

“Good luck,” Ryo tells him, sounding a little pitiful as Tegoshi flashes a double peace sign and heads towards the elevator.

“Will you stop trying to get into his pants?” I mumble into the floor. “It’s embarrassing.”

“No, what’s embarrassing is that you smell like at least four different colognes.” Ryo pulls me up once again until I manage to lay on him standing up. “One of which is a knock-off, Shige, I’m disappointed in you.”

“Ryo-chan, you’re so _gay_ ,” I tell him affectionately, holding onto his neck as he manages to carry me into my bedroom. “How you just don’t grow a vagina is beyond me.”

He lets me fall into my bed and offers me a smoldering look. “Wanna have sex?”

“Not with you,” I reply, kicking him away and rolling over onto my stomach. One of these days I’m going to say yes just to see if he’ll actually do it, but knowing him he probably will.

I make a face at the thought. He says something, but I’m out before he can finish.

I dream of police uniforms and visible feelings dancing around. And blame Tegoshi.

::

My head is pounding in time to the music on the television, and it goes to show how long Ryo and I have lived together that I know exactly what porn movie is playing and what part it’s at by the song alone. As I walk into the kitchen and manage to grab a cup of coffee without opening my eyes, the bottom is getting really sloppy head and moaning out of sync with the audio while the top jerks himself and clearly has a gag reflex. B-rated porn, gotta love it.

“Jesus, Kato, can’t you put some clothes on?” Ryo bitches, sounding entirely too awake for seven-thirty in the morning.

“You’re watching gay porn and you’re worried about my clothes?” I ask groggily, my eyes still closed as I lean against the refrigerator and let the hot coffee wake me up. I _slept_ in my clothes; I certainly don’t want to wear any right now.

“I’m sorry,” Ryo says in a low voice, and it occurs to me that he’s talking to someone else. “He has no concept of modesty.”

My eyes flash open and I see who else but Mister Moles sitting on the couch, offering me an amused expression and a small wave. “Good morning.”

“‘Morning,” I reply, unbothered. I don’t care if straight guys see me naked. “I’m Ryo’s roommate, Kato Shigeaki.”

“Ohkura Tadayoshi,” he replies with a quick bow of his head. “Sorry to intrude. I didn’t expect to be here so long.”

“Tacchon works the night shift,” Ryo explains, and I have to bite my lip not to laugh at the way he’s _boasting_ about it like it’s equivalent to being a doctor or something. “He’s used to being up until the sun rises.”

“It’s boring on my nights off,” Ohkura elaborates. “My kids are sleeping so there’s no one to play with.”

I raise an eyebrow at ‘kids’, but Ryo gestures for me not to say anything. “Nana really likes him,” he says instead, and sure enough my dog is curled up in Ohkura’s lap, sleeping contently.

“Nana likes anyone who will pet her,” I respond, abandoning the coffee for some cereal. “She was never that much of an attention whore before she came to live here. Must be your influence.”

“Must be,” Ryo agrees as he jumps up and pushes me out of the kitchen. “I’ll make breakfast, you go relax. Do you have a hangover?”

“I can’t relax, I have to go to work,” I insist, grabbing the cereal back. “I don’t have time to wait for you to cook.”

“It’s Saturday,” Ryo points out, and I bring my hand to my forehead. I honestly didn’t know what day it was. “Go back to bed, workaholic,” he teases.

I think about it, then decide that I would rather have a home-cooked breakfast first. I reluctantly get dressed while I wait, but only because it’s getting to the part of the movie I actually like and it just wouldn’t be proper to walk around naked _and_ aroused in front of company. It seems odd that this supposedly straight guy (with kids!) is okay with watching this kind of stuff, but I’ve certainly seen stranger things in my life. The proof of which is still sitting in the middle of our kitchen table.

I end up passing out on the couch as soon as I’m done eating, and right away twenty pounds of dog migrates over to my chest. I pet her subconsciously, scratching her ears before sending her over to Ryo so that I can sleep. Ryo loves Nana about as much as I do, and even though I’ve never told him, he’s the entire reason she came to live with us. His family’s dog passed not soon after we moved in together, and he took it so hard that I talked my parents into letting me take Nana. Now she’s practically both of ours, and sometimes I think she likes him more than me.

When I wake up, Ohkura is gone and the TV is silent. I can hear Ryo snoring from his room and realize that he didn’t sleep at all last night, so he will most likely be out for a majority of the day. That’s fine, I can entertain myself. I don’t have a lot of time off, and normally I work Saturdays when I’m on a case, but since I got a conviction yesterday I was able to have the day off to rest.

That doesn’t mean I know what to _do_ with the free time, however. If Ryo were awake, we’d probably go grocery shopping or go blow some of my money on new furniture or decorations. We don’t agree on art (I like live photographs or stills while he’s more abstract), so our walls are cluttered with the styles we both like. It’s like a competition when we go art shopping, almost, except that I pay for it all.

I think about going into work to help Tegoshi, but I’d probably just be pushed out the door. Truthfully I don’t feel that great, at least not up to reading and thinking and being smart. A shower makes me feel a little better, and I realize as I throw last night’s clothes into the hamper that I really did smell like four different colognes, along with a mixture of liquors, and I spend an agonizing couple minutes wondering who I made out with. Maybe Tegoshi is well aware of my sexuality after all.

Ryo keeps the place pretty clean, so there aren’t really any chores to be done. I straighten up my room and change my sheets, start a load of laundry, and spend about fifteen minutes pacing around the living room before I feel stir-crazy. Since nothing is stopping me from going outside, I leave Ryo a note on the white board and grab my jacket.

It’s cold, but it’s also the end of November and I should be grateful that it’s not snowing. I consider going to visit my parents but don’t feel like traveling that far; neither Ryo nor I have a car and it would take me the rest of the day to get there by train. Instead I walk aimlessly around town, looking at the Christmas displays in the store windows and stopping more than once to admire something I might want to purchase.

“Excuse me,” an elderly woman says, and I shake myself out of my thoughts and put on a friendly face for her. Maybe she needs directions. “Aren’t you a lawyer?”

I blink in surprise. I don’t make it a point to wear my lawyer pin when I’m not working, and I’m not successful enough to have a household face like Tegoshi. “Yes, I work for the prosecutor’s office,” I tell her. “Why?”

She smiles warmly, the corners of her mouth wrinkling a little. “I’m the grandmother of the little girl in your trial yesterday. I just wanted to thank you for treating her so well when you examined her.”

I feel my skin get a little warm but make sure to bow my head in thanks. “It was my first criminal case,” I tell her apologetically. “I wasn’t quite sure how to go about it, but she made it very easy for me. She’s a trooper, that one.”

“That she is,” the lady says, gently placing her hand on my arm. “You must let me treat you to ramen on behalf of my family. I won’t take no for an answer.”

I smile at her. “If that is the case, then I will just thank you and enjoy it.”

“I know a great place,” she chatters as she escorts me away. “A little mom-and-pop-owned shop that no one really knows about. Probably wouldn’t get any business if their son wasn’t so famous.”

“Oh?” I ask, a little interested. “How is he famous?”

My question is answered as we approach a little hole-in-the-wall ramen shop and I see Officer Koyama in full uniform sitting at the counter, talking animatedly with the older woman on the other side who has the exact same narrow eyes as him.

The grandmother’s eyes sparkle when Koyama’s head automatically snaps up to stare straight at me, but I’m too busy remembering how to breathe to notice.

::

At least the ramen is good. The elder Koyamas fuss over me while their son and the nice old lady speak of me like I’m a hero. I wonder if this is how Tegoshi feels every time he wins a case, or if the novelty has worn off by now. It could just as easily be Tegoshi sitting right where I am now, except that Officer Koyama would probably be a little more comfortable around him.

He still won’t look me in the eye. He did while I was outside, but since I walked in the door he’s been looking at everyone else _but_ me. I don’t think I would have even noticed it if I wasn’t so determined to see his eyes.

Halfway through our meal, two little boys run out from the back and immediately jump on Koyama, followed by a woman who couldn’t be that much older than me, and my heart jumps into my throat.

“My sister,” Koyama says to me, offering a shy smile while still not looking at me. “And nephews.”

“Uncle Kei! Uncle Kei!” the older of the two boys is screeching. “Did you catch any bad guys today?”

“Nope,” he tells them, grinning infectiously. “I officially declare Tokyo to be Haru-and-Ren-safe!”

“Yay!” they both declare, and then the younger turns to me. “Who is your friend, Uncle Kei?”

“This is Kato-sensei,” Koyama introduces him. “He’s a lawyer whom Uncle Kei worked with yesterday.”

“Hello,” I say politely.

Two little faces grin and wave at me.

“Come on, boys,” Koyama’s sister calls, throwing her brother an amused expression. “Leave Kei-chan and his friend alone.”

“It’s _fine_ , Anego,” Koyama says, a little exasperatedly. “Stop worrying so much.”

She offers a warm smile and turns to me. “At least he’ll have someone else to read now. Good luck.”

Then she and the little boys disappear out the door. Koyama licks his lips a little bashfully and heaves a sigh. “Sorry about that. Her constant worrying eats at me. My parents don’t even worry about me as much as she does.”

I’m not quite sure what to say to that, so I just nod noncommittally. The grandmother distracts me by taking her leave, and we both thank each other profusely before she finally walks out the door, the little bird-shaped chime ringing in her wake.

“What does your sister have to worry about?” I ask curiously. “You seem to be living pretty nicely.”

Koyama leans back against the counter, staring at the people who are walking by the windows. “She thinks it’s going to get to me after awhile.”

“Your… talent,” I clarify.

He chuckles. “I don’t know if I would call it a _talent_ , but yeah. I can’t really help it, and every time I feel someone else’s pain like that it usually takes me a few days to recuperate. Emotionally.”

“Sorry,” I tell him honestly. “I’m having a hard time following this. Tegoshi tried to explain it to me, but what exactly is it that you do?”

“I feel emotions,” Koyama answers simply. “Just like they were my own, other people’s emotions will come to me depending on their strength.”

“Fear is the strongest,” I recall from my conversation with Tegoshi, and he nods. “What other feelings are that strong?”

“Guilt,” Koyama replies. “Sadness, loneliness – any emotion that begs for some kind of comfort from someone else, that someone else becomes me.”

“So if you’re walking down the street,” I hypothesize, “and you feel someone’s sadness, do you know who it is? What do you do?”

“I don’t know who it is right away,” Koyama tells me. “But certain things about their sadness will clue me in as to where they are and what they’re doing. And as for what I will do, a lot of the time I don’t do anything.” He laughs. “Then _I_ am the one who feels guilty. But sometimes I’ll walk up to them and compliment them on something, like their hat or their hair, and it will usually lift up their mood.”

“I bet that gets tiring,” I think out loud. “I’d try to avoid other people at all costs if I were you.”

“Yeah, sometimes I just want to turn it off.” Koyama stretches his arms over his head and makes like he’s going to look at me, although he’s looking more towards my knees. “If it’s okay with you, I’m going to go change real quick. I’m not supposed to be in uniform when I’m off duty, and technically I’ve been off for an hour. When I come back, we can talk some more?”

“Okay,” I agree immediately, and it’s not until he leaves that I notice how _weird_ it is to just sit here like this with someone I don’t really know.

“You’ll have to excuse him,” a warm voice behind me says. “Keiichiro comes on a little strongly, but it’s his nature.”

I turn around to see Koyama’s mother relieving me of my empty bowl. “It’s okay,” I tell her honestly. “I don’t mind at all.”

She eyes me carefully, like she’s prying into my brain. “What I’m saying, Kato-sensei, is that you have to be giving him a reason to stick around. Normally Keiichiro is very shy and doesn’t approach people who don’t call for him. He will certainly help you with any problems you have, but I’ll thank you not to lure him into a false sense of friendship in the process.”

I blink. “With all due respect, what are you talking about?”

“ _Mom_ ,” Koyama’s voice appears behind me, looking years younger in regular street clothes. “Leave him alone, he’s not luring me anywhere.”

His mother narrows her eyes at him. “What did I tell you about reading me-”

“I didn’t have to read anything, I could hear you from the other room,” Koyama points out, looking a little smug. “It’s fine, really. Now stop it, you’re making him feel bad.”

I stare at him incredulously as I had _just_ felt a hint of sympathy at the thought of other people doing that to him. “Wow.”

Koyama chuckles. “Ta-da,” he jokes. “Come on, let’s get out of here.”

::

By the time the sun reaches the horizon, I am much more acquainted with Koyama’s situation. I also believe that his sister has every reason to be worried, because from what he was telling me, the ‘bad’ feelings have to be countered by the ‘good’ feelings in order to keep his own mood from being affected.

“That’s why I still live at home,” Koyama tells me as we sit on a bench at a nearby park. “After so many hours of welcoming the bad feelings in, I need to be around my family who loves me. And my kitty – do you like cats?”

“I’m allergic,” I answer. “I have a dog, though, so I know what you mean.”

That was really stupid to say, because I don’t know what he means at all. I used to think that I was a fairly perceptive person myself – I can always tell when Ryo’s unhappy, after all – but that seems like nothing compared to this. “Koyama-kun,” I begin, not sure how to phrase my question. “Is your mom right?”

“What do you mean?” Koyama asks, his tone still light. “About people luring me? It has happened, but mostly by women, although I’ll argue that they really did like me at first. It’s not like they just used me for comfort and then pushed me away.” He shrugs. “Usually they get tired of dealing with the repercussions of my job and give me the whole ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ line, even when it was clearly me.”

“What kind of repercussions?” I ask carefully, my unanswered question put on hold for now.

He laughs. “I cry a lot. That’s not very manly, but it can’t be helped. Even the strongest of men, if he had to see what I see on a regular basis, I bet he would cry too.” He rocks back and forth on the bench, looking like it’s more out of nervousness than temperature. “Sometimes it’s really hard on me, but it’s worth it if I can save people.”

“It’s not much of a comparison,” I begin, “but I feel that way when I stay up for nights on end looking for precedents and going door-to-door for evidence on the sheer hope that I might be able to put a bad guy in jail and make someone’s life easier.”

“Such is the life of civil servants,” Koyama says dramatically, and we both laugh. “My mom is right about the other thing, though.”

I start, not expecting it to just come back up like that. “Oh?” I manage to get out.

He bites his lip and looks at the ground. “You were calling for me.”

My face heats up despite the cold. “Sorry, I didn’t know.”

“You wouldn’t know.” Koyama addresses my knees again. “It’s involuntary. I will have to ask that you don’t examine me anymore, though, because I got a lecture from the Chief about my distraction on the witness stand the other day.”

“I’m sorry,” I say again. “I don’t normally do criminal cases. Tegoshi got a murder case thrown at him and-”

“I know, he told me.” Koyama smiles, albeit forcefully. “It’s not your fault, but just so you know. This is the only thing I have going for me and if I mess it up, I have no other place on the force.”

His tone makes me frown. “You couldn’t be a regular cop?”

He actually laughs. “All I can really do is run. _Away_. I don’t think I am brave enough to knowingly chase after someone who could hurt me. My father is still surprised to this day that they graduated me from the police academy.”

I eye him nervously, sensing his obvious mood drop. “So what do you do when there’s not a missing persons case?”

“Sit on the side of the road and catch speeders.” Koyama shrugs. “Paperwork, operating the radio. Like today, my shifts are in the morning, when there is a less chance of an actual crime.” He gives that forced smile again. “I like to think I’m doing the unimportant work to free up the real officers so that they can fight crime and keep the streets safe.”

“That’s a very positive outlook,” I tell him, becoming concerned as he cringes. “Is your mood falling?”

“Yes.” He rubs his eyes. “I don’t know why, it’s not you. Just… give me a minute please.”

I sit quietly, watching him as he rocks back and forth for a completely different reason now. Then he inhales sharply and makes a grab for his phone, his hands shaking as he holds down a speed dial button. “Anego?”

There’s a lot of loud screeching on the other end, my eyes widening as I realize what exactly I am witnessing. Surprisingly, Koyama sighs in relief and snaps the phone shut, cutting off the screeching still in progress.

I gape at him, at a loss for words.

“It’s icy where my sister is,” he explains, still calming down. “She hit a really thick patch and lost traction, sliding into some bushes. Nobody’s hurt and she didn’t hit anything, but the boys are going crazy.”

“And that’s what you felt,” I say in awe.

“Haru-chan is the worst,” Koyama replies with a chuckle. “Sometimes I think he likes to worry me for fun.”

This time Koyama’s smile is genuine, and it makes me smile too. “I’m glad they’re okay.”

“I can tell.” He laughs. “Your anxiety is making me jumpy – just say what you want to say already.”

“Um,” I start, hugging myself for courage as well as warmth. “I mean, you said that I was calling for you…”

“You were,” Koyama fills in. “Loud and clear. I’ve never had that strong of a calling from a man before. It was very unexpected.”

Now I’m blushing terribly. “So I guess you know…”

“I don’t assume anything,” Koyama says gently. “I’m not psychic and I can’t read your mind. If you want me to know something other than that you’re really, _really_ anxious right now, you’ll have to tell me.”

This is really hard. Even with my face in my hands, I can’t manage the words. I haven’t confessed to anyone for years, and even then I wasn’t the one who did it first. I don’t actively go out scouting for lovers – they usually find me.

“What I really want to know,” I finally say, “is why you won’t look me in the eyes.”

For a second, I think he’s actually going to do it. He’s considering it, anyway, the way they flick up towards my chin and don’t go any farther. “I’m sorry,” he says, his voice rushed. “I’m not ready for that yet.”

“I don’t understand,” I admit, starting to feel even more anxious. “What’s happening?”

Instantly Koyama stands up and bolts across the park, to where I almost can’t see him anymore. At the same time, I calm down considerably. I can think of a reason for it, but it’s so surreal and insane that I can’t even bring myself to describe it _internally_.

On the other side of the park, Koyama’s silhouette crumples to the ground. Without thinking, I run after him, finding him on his back in the grass, no expression on his face, eyes closed.

“Koyama-kun,” I say gently, leaning down to tap his cheeks with my fingers. “Wake up.”

He breathes deeply, his hand sliding up my arm to grab onto my wrist. He doesn’t move it away, just lets his fingers linger in a loose circle. It’s quite erotic in its simplicity and has me seriously considering the shape of his lips.

“Just do it,” he whispers. “You’re driving me crazy.”

“What?” I ask, my heart beating rapidly. “What am I doing?”

His eyes pop open just then, meeting mine with such ferocity that I feel like I’m being knocked backwards by a very strong wind. I can tell that he’s fighting to retain contact, his hand tightening on my wrist as my fingers brush along his jaw. I want to kiss him, more than anything, and I think he knows that too.

Then his eyelids are fluttering shut and he’s leaning up, pulling me towards him until our lips touch. He gasps and squeezes even harder on my wrist, but I barely notice because his lips are warm and trembling at the same time. I tilt my head and kiss back, feeling him calm down to the point where his muscles give out, leading him to fall back onto the grass and pull me down with him.

He keeps kissing me, his other hand clutching onto my coat like it’s a lifeline. Reluctantly I pull away, leaving him catching his breath and tentatively looking up at me while I stare at him in disbelief. “What was that for?”

He explodes into laughter, shaking from the force of it. “I couldn’t resist your calls anymore. I won’t apologize because it’s completely your fault.”

“Koyama-kun,” I say softly. “I won’t make you do something that you don’t want to do. Have you even thought about guys like that?”

“Not until today,” he answers, inhaling sharply as he leans up on his elbows. “It doesn’t matter, really. Your emotions combined with mine… well, let’s just say that it’s good for me no matter what.”

“Lucky you,” is all I can think to say, my entire focus on his mouth and the way his body is curling under mine. I don’t even remember leaning over him, but only the swing of my leg is stopping me from straddling him completely. “I bet sex is explosive for you.”

“Oh yeah,” he says with a breathy laugh, his face becoming flushed. “It’s a definite perk to all of the drawbacks.”

I look from one of his eyes to the other, not exactly sure what I’m searching for but satisfied when I don’t find it. “I like you,” I tell him, trailing my fingers along his very warm cheek.

“I like you too,” he whispers, then bites his lip again. “Ah, I’m sorry.”

“For what?” I ask, then I see the tears form in his eyes and automatically reach out to wipe them away. “It’s okay,” I tell him. “It just means that you’re happy, right?”

He nods and sniffles. “Can I call you Shige?”

“Yeah,” I say without hesitation.

He fixes me with a serious look. “Shige, I have something important to tell you.”

“Okay,” I say slowly, bracing myself for the worst – he has an arranged marriage, he’s transferring across the country, he’s dying from an incurable disease, he’s impotent, he’s-

“My ass is numb,” he says with a straight face, then laughs again.

Rolling my eyes playfully, I swallow down the tasteless jokes that are on the tip of my tongue (I’ll tell Ryo later so they won’t be completely wasted) and get to my feet, gently pulling him up with me. He ends up falling into my arms, either from misbalance or my irresistibility; regardless, his arms wrap around my neck and he nuzzles his face along my throat like it’s the most natural thing for him to do.

“I’m sorry,” he says again, making no effort to move. “When I feel you call for me, it’s as good as pouting and giving me puppy-dog eyes. I can control it, but only if you want me to.”

“Just in public,” I tell him, hugging him back and holding him close. I can feel his rapid heartbeat, and I don’t have to be an empath to know that he’s scared out of his mind. “It wouldn’t do for you to jump me in the middle of the street, you know. Think of the poor old ladies.”

He laughs again. “Are you sure you can handle this, Shige?” he asks quietly. “I don’t want to fall in love with you if you’re just going to get frustrated with how you already know I am.”

“You forget, I’m gay,” I reply. “I like girly men.”

I can feel him smiling against my throat, and then he lifts his head. His eyes are watering again, but he’s also pouting. “I’m not _that_ girly. I just cry a lot.”

I want to tease him some more, but I get the feeling that it’s a sensitive topic and leave it be. Instead I just stand there, hugging him and feeling incredibly warm despite the freezing temperatures as the sun disappears completely.

Then my phone rings. I know from the ringtone who it is, and Koyama jumps back from me like he’d been burned when I go to answer my phone.

“Where the fuck are you?” Ryo’s bitching. “Your note said you’d be back for dinner!”

“Oh shit,” I respond, feeling guilty enough that Koyama gives me a concerned look. “I’m sorry, I forgot.”

“You better have a damn good excuse for wasting stuffed eggplant parmesan,” he says. “Like, a _fine ass_ excuse.”

“Actually…” I grin without thinking about it, looking down at the ass in question. “It’s not too bad.”

Koyama turns _crimson_ and hides his face.

“It’s Officer _Feelings_ , isn’t it?” Ryo’s practically shrieking in the phone. “You want to talk to _me_ about turning people – look at you, you fucking stud!”

Now I’m starting to get embarrassed too, scratching the back of my head out of habit. “It’s not that big of a deal, Ryo-”

“Kato, you haven’t had a man since college,” Ryo feels the need to mention, like I’ve forgotten or something. “At least one that you remember. This is big news!”

I sigh and look at Koyama watching me intently, probably wondering who the hell I was talking to. “I have to go, I’m being rude.”

Koyama immediately shakes his head, but Ryo has different ideas. “You bring him home right now! I made four eggplants, so it will be perfect.”

“Four?” I repeat. “There are only three of us.”

“Tacchon is here too,” Ryo says with a bit of a squee. “I’m totally turning him,” he goes on in a much lower voice. “It’s really easy because his girlfriend doesn’t put out anymore.”

“That’s… nice,” I say, making a bit of a face. “I’ll be home shortly, so take it to your room.”

“Whatever, you’re going to make out some more,” Ryo says knowingly. “I don’t have to be an empath to know when you’ve got that stupid lovesick grin on your face. What kind of cologne does he wear?”

“Good-bye, Ryo,” I say pointedly as I flip the phone shut. “My roommate,” I explain. “He’s used to cooking for me since he doesn’t really work.”

“I was confused,” Koyama admits. “You put off very strong feelings when you’re thinking about him, except that they’re more protective than romantic. But it’s kind of how you were feeling towards me, so I didn’t know what to think.”

“Jealous already?” I tease him. “You don’t have to worry with him, we’ve already had our time to fail.”

Koyama nods. “I believe you.” He smiles at me and grabs my hand. “So I’ve been invited to dinner?”

I raise an eyebrow. “I thought you couldn’t read minds?”

“I can’t,” he insists, lacing our fingers together just like I want him to. “There’s no other noise out here. I could hear your conversation perfectly. Who is ‘Tacchon’? His boyfriend?”

“It’s complicated,” I answer. “I’ll tell you on the way.”

Koyama licks his lips, and in one swift motion I’ve been pushed up against a tree. “Don’t be so surprised,” he whispers against my lips. “You were asking for it before your phone rang.”

I gasp at the way his body feels against mine, the contrast of the rough bark digging into my back making me clutch onto his arms. “I take it back, you’re not girly.”

He smiles and kisses me deeply, taking complete control to the point where I’m ready to do it right here in the park. “I’m warming up to the idea,” he says, the timing too perfect to be a coincidence, and I start to question whether my emotions actually speak out loud as he takes my breath away.

::

By the time we get back to my apartment, it’s all the way dark and I feel like I have frostbite on my hands. Of course, the first thing I do is place my fingers on the back of Ryo’s neck and laugh hysterically as he shrieks and nearly falls off the couch.

Ohkura thinks it’s pretty hilarious too. “Hey, Kato,” he greets me.

“Hey,” I reply, turning to see Koyama lingering awkwardly by the front door. “This is Koyama Keiichiro-”

“ _Officer_ Koyama,” Ryo corrects, jumping up to smack me in the head and properly greet our guest. “I’m Nishikido Ryo, and over there is my friend Ohkura Tadayoshi. I’ve heard a lot about you. Welcome to our home.”

Koyama bows his head and blushes, or maybe the latter is leftover from the cold. At any rate, Ryo gives me an approving look as he returns to the kitchen to heat up dinner.

“You have such a decorative home,” Koyama says, a little bit in awe as he looks around. “There’s so much conflict in this one room.”

“It spreads throughout the whole place,” Ryo tells him. “Go see the bathroom.”

I snort, remembering the hours of fighting over wallpaper and those stupid seashell soaps. “It looks like a rainbow threw up in there,” I add.

“I think it’s pretty fucking awesome,” Ohkura inputs. “Makes me want to pee more.”

Ryo leans across the counter island suddenly, very obviously whispering to me. “Porn-friendly?”

“ _No_ ,” I say incredulously, turning to him with wide eyes. “Don’t you dare-”

“He has to learn somewhere,” Ryo says logically, flashing me a wicked grin as he nonchalantly returns to the stove.

A glance towards Ohkura shows him on Ryo’s side, slowly raising the remote control to the TV with his hand over his mouth in fake shock.

“Come see my room!” I say a little over-excitedly, practically dragging Koyama by the arm down the hall before he can be anymore scandalized today.

“O-okay,” he says, dutifully following while Ryo and Ohkura snicker.

I close the door behind us and exhale in relief, turning apologetically towards a very confused-looking Koyama. “You’re definitely not ready for that.”

“Thanks, I think,” he says, looking around at my bland furniture and the few pictures on the wall. “This is… different.”

“Ryo’s a lot gayer than me,” I say quickly.

Koyama takes a seat on my bed, looking a little wounded. “Why did you and Nishikido-kun break up?”

“Oh, it was a million years ago,” I say dismissively. “He was a junior when I was a freshman in college, and we had both just come out, so we dated. It was mostly sex and we weren’t compatible at _all_. By the end of winter term, we agreed to break up and have been friends ever since.”

“He still loves you,” Koyama says darkly. “He has this dependency on you that isn’t entirely financial.”

I gulp. “You felt that from him?”

He nods. “I feel it from you too, but like I said before, yours is more protective. His is not. Fiercely possessive, actually. I felt like he wanted to claw my eyes out just now.”

I sit down on the bed next to him and fold my hands in my lap. “I’m starting to wish that you didn’t sense these things.”

“It’s going to be a problem, isn’t it?” Koyama sighs, standing up and heading towards the door. “Maybe we shouldn’t do this. I don’t like feeling this way-”

“No, don’t go,” I say firmly, frozen in place. “I’ll get used to it. I’ve had boyfriends who were much more jealous than you -”

“Jealous,” Koyama scoffs. “That makes you sound so conceited. Don’t you get it, Shige? I can tell when you’re lying. I’ll know if you have impure thoughts that make you feel guilty. And because of who I’ve become from this… _talent_ , as you call it, I’m going to take it the wrong way and question everything just like an insecure girl.”

I don’t know what to say to that outburst, mostly because he brings up a very valid point. Do I really want that kind of relationship right now? I work long hours and alone with several attractive men. I live with another gay man, my ex-boyfriend even. I would never stray, but I can’t help how other people feel towards me. If he’s going to accuse me of cheating with every person who has the hots for me…

“Call me when you’re done deciding whether I’m worth it or not,” Koyama’s monotone voice sounds from the distance, and my door closes behind him.

I hang my head in my hands, biting my lip to hold back my emotions. In the past few hours, I’ve had something great dangled in my face just to be taken away. It’s like the cosmos are mocking me – this is what you could have if you weren’t so cynical, muahaha~! – and I am not impressed at all.

Before I can feel too sorry for myself, my door flings back open and Koyama has tackled me to my bed, his arms around me and his face in my hair. “I didn’t even make it out of your apartment,” he sobs. “I think I scared your roommate and his friend with the way I collapsed.”

“They’ll get over it,” I tell him, very aware of my happiness as it floods my body. “I’m going to do that every time you try to leave me.”

“I can’t control this part, Shige,” he insists, his comforting embrace transforming into a tight snuggle as my happiness presumably reaches him too. “I’m going to think those things no matter what kind of feelings you’re projecting. The girls couldn’t handle it, they didn’t like being under constant ‘surveillance’-”

“I don’t have anything to keep from you,” I say honestly. “As long as you don’t blame me for what other people feel, we can work this out.”

He laughs. “A few hours into it and we’re already working something out. Why bother?”

Instead of answering, I put a particularly raunchy situation in my mind and close my eyes to imagine it vividly.

“Unfair,” Koyama mumbles, squirming a little. “Very unfair.”

“How much can you see?” I ask curiously. I’m not about to go all out if he won’t get to witness it.

“Not see, just feel,” he replies, his voice all light and breathy. “Seriously, stop unless you want to miss dinner.”

I don’t stop. “Can you tell I’m thinking about you?”

“ _Yes_ ,” he practically whines. “You’re pulling at me like… like… a thing that pulls, I don’t know. God, Shige, please stop.”

This time I do, but I am highly amused. “I think I just fucked you with my mind.”

In response, he grabs my face and kisses me. Hard. I pull him down against me and moan when I learn how aroused he is, automatically spreading my legs to feel more. He gasps into my mouth and moves against me, his body trembling until he harshly breaks our kiss and presses his face into my neck. He’s whispering into my skin, things that I should probably be listening to but I can’t make out the words, just the feel of his lips and breath on my neck as I reach down to grab his hips and pull him more roughly against me.

He moans shrilly, a beautiful sound that I want to hear again and again as he hits me just right and all consciousness leaves me. When I come to, he’s rubbing against my leg and giggling in my ear. “I thought _I_ finished quickly.”

“Hush,” I whisper, too sated to be embarrassed. “It’s been awhile.”

He starts to kiss me again, but my eyes travel towards the doorway that is not at all empty. Ryo looks like he’s trying not to laugh by stuffing his hand into his mouth, his face red from the efforts.

“You’re such a pervert,” I tell him, leading Koyama to glance over and immediately hide his face in my neck, clutching onto me possessively.

“Don’t stop on my account,” Ryo teases as he leans casually against the door frame. “Dinner can wait.”

“Get out and close my door,” I bark at him.

With a salute, he obeys.

Koyama is seething when I turn back to him. “I’m not responsible for him being a pervert,” I say quickly. “I think he would watch anyone have sex right in front of him.”

“That’s not it,” Koyama mumbles, climbing back on top of me and pressing as close as he can. “I don’t care about him right now. Just… just… it hurts, Shige. Please touch me.”

My eyebrows rise at the admission, and I instantly slide my hand down his body until it’s between his legs as I lean in to kiss him again. He hisses into my mouth at the contact, cringing a little, and that’s when I figure out what he means by ‘it hurts’ and go for the button on his pants instead.

Once I have him in my hand, he starts whimpering and pushing into my touch. I don’t even have to move, but I do anyway and have him shuddering and moaning after just a few strokes. He’s saying my name, his voice getting higher as I get faster, and finally he tenses and lets go, right on my shirt.

“Sorry,” he says breathlessly, not sounding very sorry at all.

I nudge him away long enough to pull my shirt over my head and fling it on the floor – it’ll make its way to the hamper eventually – while Koyama returns to where he was. “So how was your first gay experience?” I tease him.

As if on cue, his stomach growls. We both laugh as I gather the energy to get up and put on some different clothes. When we return to the living room, there’s questionable content on the TV, but it turns out that Koyama is porn-friendly after all.

::

The first time Ryo and Ohkura have sex, I’m woken in the middle of the night by it. Not by the actual act, but by Koyama calling me on the phone.

“You should know better than to tune into Ryo past midnight,” I tell him sleepily, like we’re talking about a TV station. “Or anytime, really. He watches porn with breakfast.”

“No, Shige,” Koyama insists. “He’s sad.”

“Sad?” I raise my eyebrows at the banging and groaning from across the hall. “Doesn’t sound sad to me.”

“He’s really good at hiding his feelings,” Koyama goes on. “I bet you anything that once Ohkura-kun leaves, Nishikido-kun will cry himself to sleep.”

“He does that anyway,” I say grumpily, pulling the pillow over my head. “Kei, I love you, but I have to be up in two hours for court.”

He’s quiet for a long time, long enough for me to wonder if I said something wrong. Then, “Shige loves me?”

I smile into my sheets. “Yes, Shige loves you. Like you don’t already know.”

“I told you, I don’t assume,” he says in barely a whisper. “I love you too, you know.”

Now I’m grinning like an idiot. “Yay.”

“But Nishikido-kun isn’t loved,” Koyama points out, and I actually roll my eyes. “ _Shige_ , don’t be like that. He loves you and you don’t even care about him?”

“What is this,” I mutter amusedly. “Last week you were storming out of my room thinking that Ryo and I have something going on, and now you’re pushing us together?”

Koyama sighs lightly. “I trust you.”

Somehow that feels better than ‘I love you’. “Can you feel dreams?” I wonder out loud.

“… I don’t know,” he says, sounding surprised at the admission. “I guess I’ve never thought about it before.”

“Let’s find out,” I reply, and hang up. I immediately imagine the dirtiest scenario possible involving a police uniform and handcuffs, so hot that I’m practically humping the mattress by the time my phone goes off again.

_Nice try, but Ohkura-kun just left and Nishikido-kun’s sadness is overriding your “dreams.”_

Sure enough, I can barely hear the front door closing as Ohkura takes his leave. _What do you want me to do about it?_ I type back, looking at the clock and cursing once again. _We’re not exactly the kind of roommates who cry on each other._

_I trust you_ , he sends back, and that’s it.

Sighing, I look down at my dog who is sound asleep by my feet and spend a few long seconds envying her life. Then I reluctantly roll out of bed, manage to find some sweatpants and a shirt, and stumble across the hall. I consider just barging in and having him yell at me so that I can go back to sleep, but then I lean against the door and hear the faint sounds of someone crying on the other side.

Damn Koyama for being _right_. He’s probably laughing at me right now as he falls asleep. Actually, maybe Ryo is keeping him awake, and making Ryo happy will let us _all_ go back to sleep.

It’s reason enough for me to open the door, anyway. “Ryo-chan?” I whisper.

“Go away,” Ryo snaps, his voice choked.

I don’t listen, closing the door behind me as I try to remember the layout of Ryo’s room and find out the hard way where his bed is. “Ow!” I hiss. “You better be dressed, asshole.”

“Wha-” he starts, then whines when I fall halfway on top of him. “Get off me, fucker. I’ve already had one pity lay tonight.”

He struggles, but eventually he lets me wrap my arms around him from behind. I’ve forgotten how _small_ he is, how clean his hair smells – even after sex – and how cold he gets at night. In fact, I think the only reason he hasn’t pushed me away is because it’s snowing outside and our heater isn’t the best.

“I don’t know why you let him make you cry,” I say, hugging him as tightly as I can manage and trying my best to stay awake.

“Me neither,” Ryo replies with a sniffle, settling back into my embrace and shaking with the force of his sobs. “He was pretending I was a girl, Shige.”

“Want me to kick his ass?” I ask sleepily. I mean it, just not until normal waking hours.

“No, I want you to make him love me,” Ryo whispers, then bursts into fresh tears. “Why can’t I have what you have!”

“Bet you never thought you’d be saying that to me,” I joke, making him laugh shortly as I turn him around and practically shove his face into my shoulder. “Cry on me already, I didn’t come in here to listen to you whine.”

He does. I feel some sense of accomplishment as he clutches to me, letting it all out and nearly soaking my shirt in the process. It’s not that I don’t care, I think, it’s that I care too much – part of me thinks that I’m the reason Ryo keeps picking these guys who are horribly wrong for him and setting himself up for disappointment every time.

“Do you still love me?” I ask suddenly, and the way he freezes in my arms tells me that Koyama was right yet again.

“Does it matter?” he finally replies in a flat tone.

I scoff. “I don’t have to point out the logic here, Ryo. You can’t expect someone to love you when you’re still hung up on someone else.”

“You’re so stuck up,” he mumbles. “It has nothing to do with that, you pompous ass.”

“Then what does it have to do with?” I ask, the frustration accompanying my tiredness. “Why do I have to hear about how you feel from Koyama? Just tell me yourself!”

“I don’t want you to leave!” Ryo practically screams into my collarbone, his fingers digging into my arms. “Not just because you pay for everything, but dammit, I’ve gotten used to having you around. Now that you’re with Koyama-”

“ _Ryo_ ,” I cut him off harshly. “I’m not just going to up and go because I have a boyfriend now. Give me a year or so before you even think about it, okay? We haven’t even had sex yet.”

“Really?” Ryo asks hopefully, like that’s the key to unlock all of his problems. “But you two were so heated up the other night.”

“He hasn’t done it before like this,” I tell him. “I’ll wait until he’s ready. _In the meantime_ ,” I go on, returning to the topic at hand, “if you really want to be like that with Ohkura, you should let him know that you’re not just playing around. What’s the deal with the kids anyway? Does he have custody or something?”

“No, they still live together,” Ryo says. “That’s why he’s over here so much, to get away from her when the kids are asleep. They’re not _together_ together, but they pretend to be happy parents around the kids.”

“That’s not right,” I comment. “Those kids are going to grow up with a false sense of love.”

“Tell me about it,” Ryo replies, shifting so that he’s not quite suffocating me anymore. “He’s a cool guy, though. Really accepting and laidback.”

“I like him,” I offer, turning a little to steal some of the pillow. “I think that if you tell him that you’re serious, he’ll totally take it that way.”

Ryo squirms uncomfortably. “Can we go sleep in your bed?”

I snort in laughter as I roll over to the edge. “I don’t even want to know.”

He practically carries me across the hall, where I fall yet again into a bed and barely rouse Nana. Ryo pushes me over and situates my arms until I’m pretty much draped over him, but I honestly don’t care because I’m tired and not even his snoring can stop me from going back to sleep.

::

Tegoshi swallows half of his burrito in one gulp and fixes me with an odd look. “What?”

“Nothing,” I say quickly, thinking about the damn shame this is for the gay community. “Any interesting cases lately?”

“Are you bored?” Tegoshi asks seriously. “I have a real sick fuck that you can have. A sure ‘guilty’.”

“I mean, like, kidnappings or missing persons,” I clarify.

Tegoshi smirks. “You are so obvious. Aren’t you dating him or something? Why are you cryptically asking me if he’s working a case?”

I sputter a little. “How did you-”

“Shige,” Tegoshi says slowly. “Everybody knows you’re _that way_. Especially me. Do you know how many times you’ve tried to kiss me while you’re drunk?”

I suddenly find the ugly paperweight on his desk _fascinating_. “About that, um-”

“I’m flattered, really,” he says with a laugh, “but I think you’re better off with Kei-chan. He’s much more open to that idea than I am… _clearly_ ,” he adds with a sinister grin that implies that Koyama has confided in him the entirety of our experience together, which sadly isn’t much.

“Then stop fellating your lunch,” I tell him straight out. “You could give a straight guy a hard-on.”

Tegoshi chokes a little on his food and gives me an incredulous look. “Maybe you’re just deprived,” he tells me. “I can’t help it if I’m sexy to _both_ genders.”

If I were Ryo right now, I would have pounced. Instead, I roll my eyes and concentrate on eating my own lunch. “So do you have any of those kinds of cases?”

“Seriously?” Tegoshi responds. “Yes. A big one. I’m surprised he didn’t tell you. This time it’s a four-year-old girl, who will _not_ have any merit in court, and whom we think was taken by her father. She might not even be in this prefecture anymore. I’m working with the prosecutor’s office in Osaka, since the father is of Osakan decent.”

“I’m Osakan,” I offer. “Sort of. Is there anything I can do to help? Do you need a list of seedy places? I bet my roommate could draw you one from memory. He grew up there.”

Tegoshi laughs. “The Osakan prosecutors already have all of that. Yokoyama and Murakami seem to know all of those places very well.”

“And Kei is with them?” I press. “He just told me that he was going to be gone for a couple days and not to worry.”

“ _Don’t_ worry,” Tegoshi tells me sternly. “If you do, it will distract him. He isn’t in any danger, trust me. The minute he gets a lead, other cops will storm in and make the bust while he sits safely in a squad car. It is important to this little girl’s life that you don’t interfere with his emotions during this time.”

I start to make a face, but he interrupts me.

“His family gets this same lecture,” he goes on. “You don’t have to pretend to be happy all the time or anything, but try not to think about him. It calls to him and he’ll concentrate on you more than the victim.”

“Okay,” I agree hesitantly. “Just keep me posted, please? Or I will worry.”

Tegoshi actually smiles. “You really care about him, don’t you?”

I nod firmly. “I guess I have you to thank for this.”

“I’ll let you buy me lunch,” Tegoshi suggests, and of course I do.

::

Swindlers are my favorite kind of cases. Ordinarily this type of criminal wouldn’t make it to trial, but I’m pretty sure that Chief Yamashita has some sort of private vendetta against them and likes to see them publicly humiliated.

It amuses me, so I’m usually the lawyer he comes to for them. My boss thinks it’s a waste of my time, but Yamashita Tomohisa – nicknamed Yamapi for his odd fondness of the color pink – has a lot of pull in this city and usually gets what he wants. Being Chief of Police at such a young age already proves that; he’s not that much older than me.

Unsurprisingly, he and I are something like friends. He doesn’t have a lot of free time, but I don’t either, and maybe once a month or so we’ll meet for coffee and trade war stories. He works with Tegoshi a lot as well, and this particular Sunday one of my stories crosses over with his.

“Ah, Keiichiro,” Yamapi recalls fondly, sitting across from me in full uniform. The other patrons are either staring or trying _not_ to stare, because in all honesty Yamapi is a very attractive man. Except that he is oblivious to it. “I have no idea how that guy is a cop.”

I laugh good-naturedly. “He seems to be important to the city,” I pry. “You wouldn’t find a lot of missing people without him.”

“Yeah, there is that,” Yamapi says, flashing me a crooked smile as he gets distracted by something I can’t see. I’ve almost given up on getting any kind of information out of him when he surprisingly picks up where he left off five minutes later. “I try to keep the guys from hazing him too much, but I know they do it when I’m not looking.”

“What do you mean, hazing?” I ask, concerned.

He chuckles. “Such a weak cop? I’d probably have hazed him too. When he started, he was being pushed into lockers and harassed with fake spiders and other things that scared the shit out of him. When the others learned of his ability, they would force themselves to feel really inappropriate emotions just to embarrass him.” He shrugs. “It turned out to be a good training exercise because before he joined the force, he couldn’t control _any_ of it. Now he can block some of them out and concentrate on the ones that are important.”

“But they still give him a hard time?” I prod.

“Cops are cops,” Yamapi tells me unapologetically. “There’s the occasional snide comment, the typical fag jokes, the ‘Baby Kei-chan’ nickname every time he cries, but he takes it really well.”

Internally I seethe at the derogatory term, but Yamapi doesn’t know any better. He’s a cop; passing over Koyama (who, let’s face it, isn’t your average cop), most cops are severely homophobic. I’ve gotten used to it, but that doesn’t mean I have to like hearing that word from someone who is supposed to be my friend.

“He seems to like you an awful lot,” Yamapi goes on, offering me a thankful look as opposed to a knowing one. “I’m glad he found a friend. It’s really difficult for people to get close to him because he’s so intuitive like that. Most of us don’t like being read so easily.”

“I can imagine,” I say, only a little bit honestly. “I don’t mind, though. I think he’s interesting.”

“Well, I’ll tell you this.” Yamapi lowers his voice, and I automatically lean in because I know I’m about to hear Official Police Business that Snooty Lawyers Shouldn’t Know. “The case he’s on right now? Will be taxing on him. We’re having absolutely no luck with the victim, and as young as she is she doesn’t have much of a personality for Kei to latch onto. It’s looking like he’s going to have to try to find the kidnapper instead.”

“You mean…” I gulp, not wanting to say it.

“He has to empathize with the bad guy,” Yamapi confirms my suspicions. “It will be very hard on him, but he’s agreed to do it and I think you should know that his drop from this is going to be _excruciating_. As someone he cares about, you might bear a lot of it.”

“I’ll be ready for it,” I say firmly. “It will take more than a couple days then? Is he in Osaka with the prosecutors there?”

“It will and he is,” Yamapi tells me, looking like he’s a little distrusting of the Osaka force. Not that I blame him; I’ve heard about those guys’ parties. “Chief Domoto has promised to take care of him for me, but I have officers ready to go if it gets nasty. Even though my guys make fun of Kei, they know how important he is and don’t want him to get hurt.”

“I don’t want him to get hurt either,” I say automatically, feeling a little anxious.

“Don’t,” Yamapi hisses intensely. “He can feel you more than anyone. Especially now, please try to control yourself no matter where you are. He’s already had problems concentrating because of you.”

“I’m sorry,” I say quietly, hanging my head. “I will try to think of something else.”

“Sadness and fear triggers him the most because that’s what he’s used to seeking out,” Yamapi explains. “This is the first time he’s had to switch gears and actively look for sadistic glee and guilt, the kind that someone who snatched his daughter and fleed would express.”

“Is it just domestic?” I ask curiously. “Or abusive…”

Yamapi sighs. “I can’t give you that information, but after Tegoshi has a few he gets a little loose-lipped.”

“I think I should be prepared,” I tell him matter-of-factly. “It makes all the difference as to Kei’s frame of mind when he comes back. If he has to emphasize with someone who is abusive, it will be even worse.”

“Perhaps you should prepare for that, then,” Yamapi says cryptically. “Just in case.”

I blink at him. “I kind of want to hate you for this.”

“Take a number,” Yamapi says indifferently, but his eyes give him away.

::

To distract myself, I take on Tegoshi’s ‘sick fuck’ case and become a hero once again. However, all it does is make me think of how Koyama has to feel emotions like that of my defendant, and it pisses me off because I can’t even _worry_ about him properly.

“Shige, I know you’re concerned for me, but seriously,” Koyama says over the phone, sounding unapologetic and very tired. “This is hard enough without you calling for me every other hour.”

“I don’t know how to control it,” I tell him, feeling frustrated and helpless. “I have never been so aware of my emotions before.”

Koyama sighs. “I almost want to tell you to go love somebody, but… I don’t think I would like that too much.”

“That might distract you even more,” I say amusedly. “Hey, does my jerking off bother you?”

“I’ve tuned it out,” he answers, a little embarrassedly. “Those kind of feelings – the love and happiness and… arousal – are very weak in terms of actually calling to me. If I’m seeking it out or experiencing it _with_ you, then yeah, they’re stronger than anything else, but otherwise I don’t even notice them.”

“I see,” I say, my heart becoming warm at the thought.

“That’s better,” Koyama says. “Think thoughts like that for the rest of the time I’m here please. And when I come back, we can make them a reality.”

“Even the dirty ones?” I tease.

“Even those,” he says quietly. “Although I’m not too sure that I’m okay with the handcuffs.”

I almost choke on my spit. “What part of my emotions specifically screams ‘handcuffs’?”

“It’s… complicated,” Koyama sputters. “There’s a lot of power mixed in with your passion and… I can just tell, okay? I’m right anyway.”

My nostrils flare as I seethe. “You’re lucky I love you.”

“Very,” he says, then pauses. “Hey, Shige?”

“Yeah?” I reply, sensing the uncertainty in his voice. “What is it?”

“Will you do something for me?” he asks timidly. “It’s a little weird, but it would really make me feel better.”

“Anything,” I tell him immediately. “I’m not much of a singer, but I can carry a tune-”

“Not that,” he says with a giggle that automatically makes me switch tactics. “Are you alone?”

“Yeah,” I say, jumping up to close the blinds and lock my door since I have a pretty good idea where this is going. “Ryo and Ohkura actually went on a date.”

“Oh, that’s good to hear,” Koyama says dismissively, and that’s when I know that whatever he wants me to do is really important. “It’s just… um… they put someone in the room with me in case I freak out in my sleep, but I made him go away for a couple hours…”

“Kei, do you want to have phone sex?” I ask him straight out. “I’m totally fine with it. I’ll even talk, if you want.”

“Not exactly,” he says slowly. “I need a break from getting into the mindset of this guy before it affects me really badly. I just want to feel a lot of love, so maybe… imagine us being… intimate instead of just… fucking?”

I can feel the stupid smile form on my face as I flop back onto my bed and grab a pillow to snuggle with. “I can do that,” I tell him. “Do you want me to tell you what I’m imagining, or..?”

“No,” he responds, followed by a laugh. “I feel it already, Shige, that’s good.”

I have always had a fantastic imagination, which I usually let run wild towards the filthier side of my mind. It’s not often that I allow myself to indulge in a predominantly mushy fantasy, by request even, so I don’t even feel guilty about imagining the two of us getting extremely romantic. I’m so into it that I almost forget he’s still there, on the phone, and the gasp he makes when our dream selves kiss is like music to my ears. He’s feeding off of my emotions only, but a small part of me hopes that he’s imagining something similar.

I really want to touch myself, but it seems a little inappropriate in this situation. Our dream selves are still just kissing, passionately but not heatedly, and it’s kind of surprising how strongly I’m reacting to it. Maybe being like this with Koyama has led me to better understand my _own_ emotions.

“It’s okay, go ahead,” he says suddenly, sounding a little breathless. “I want it too.”

How anyone could _not_ want this kind of boyfriend, I don’t understand. We both moan as we give into our gratification, our breaths speeding up while my fantasy fast-forwards to the good part. From what I can hear, he doesn’t mind at all, and it feels so real that I lose sense of myself and whisper his name, professing my love and a couple choice thoughts about his ass until I reach my peak.

He finishes with me, breathing harshly into the phone as he comes down. “Thank you, Shige.”

“You’re welcome, baby,” I reply, grinning happily.

“When I come home,” he tells me slowly, like he’s having problems forming his words, “I’m going to be ready. I’m ready now, but… it might be a little weird. I will probably be desperate and needy and not loving at all, but I am telling you now that I want it and you have to be the one to give it to me like that.”

“Fuck the pain away?” I summarize, nodding.

“Yeah,” he says a little hesitantly. “As much as I don’t like it being our first time together, I won’t like it even more if you push me away.”

“Got it,” I say firmly. “Just as long as our second time can be under better terms.”

“Second, third, every time other than this one.” Koyama laughs. “I told Yamapi I don’t want to do this again. They have specialists who are trained to get into the minds of psychopaths, but they’re not even sure if they have the right _guy_. It’s so hard for me to think like that when I don’t know what I’m looking for.”

“Something will come up, I’m sure,” I assure him. “The Osaka P.D. is notorious for having clues fall on their doorstep at the last minute. Must be from those weird naked chants they do or something.”

Koyama laughs. “They’re an interesting group, I’ll tell you that much. Most of them look like they should be on the other side of the bars.”

“You know, I’m technically Osakan,” I point out. “We’re crazy.”

“I look forward to it,” he says in this low, purring voice, and I cross my legs instinctively. “I should go now, but thank you so much for… that – what we did. I will sleep peacefully tonight.”

“And I will stop worrying,” I tell him. “I’ll just make Ryo distract me or something.”

“If you really need a distraction, my partner is probably bored without me.” It takes a second for me to realize he’s talking about his _work_ partner, not any other meaning of the word. “Not like that, Shige! We’ve been partners since the beginning because he’s really strong and I’m… not. He’s also naturally happy and optimistic, with quick reflexes, and I honestly don’t know why Yamapi stuck him with me when he’d be a great asset to the prime time shifts.” He sighs. “Anyway, he really likes to eat, so all you have to do is bring him something tasty and he’ll be your friend.”

“Sounds like Tegoshi,” I comment. “I wonder if they know each other.”

“Tegoshi knows _everyone_ ,” Koyama jokes, although he’s probably not exaggerating. “I really need to go. I’m not supposed to be talking to you at all.”

“Give my love to Yokoyama and Murakami,” I say lightly. Those guys always liked to give me a hard time when we worked together.

“I love you,” he replies, dead serious.

I hug my pillow tightly. “I love you too. Be safe.”

::

The minute Officer Masuda Takahisa flashes me a blinding grin, I know exactly why he’s paired with Koyama. _I_ feel happier just being in his presence. Koyama’s mood level must be exceptionally high with every shift he has.

“Wow, Kato-sensei, thanks!” he says in complete astonishment to the homemade cupcakes I brought him.

“My roommate made them from scratch,” I tell him truthfully.

“Lucky.” He inhales one, the grin never leaving his face. “My roommate can’t cook at all. I like to but it gets tiring sometimes, you know?”

Looking at him, I don’t believe that anything can actually tire him out. His arm muscles are about as big as my head.

“He’s a schoolteacher, though, so that is to be expected,” Masuda elaborates. “Being around kids all day is tiring in its own.”

“My roommate is a bum,” I respond. “He has nothing better to do all day than watch cooking shows.” And porn.

“Ooh.” Masuda’s eyes light up, making his grin even brighter, and in my next breath I’m inviting him to dinner.

Yamapi catches me as I head out of the station. “I know you talked to Kei last night,” he says accusingly.

“I’m sorry -” I start.

“No, no.” Yamapi waves his arms frantically. “Koucha- I mean, Chief Domoto just called me and said that Koyama is giving two hundred percent today. He made a comment about thinking that somebody is waiting for him at home.” Yamapi smirks. “Have any idea who that might be?”

“Masuda?” I guess, gesturing towards the happy cop inside who is generously sharing the cupcakes with the other cops. “I know he cheers me right up.”

A butterfly flutters by and Yamapi’s eyes follow it. “Hmm,” is all he says, then claps me on the shoulder. “Got court today?”

“Research,” I reply, rolling my eyes. “Which pretty much means harassing you for evidence.”

“I should just give you a key to the evidence room,” Yamapi says with a smile. “You know any of the guys will get you whatever you want.”

“Yeah, but I still like to ask first.” I jog down the steps and offer a wave. “I’ll be back later for that. Have somewhere to be right now.”

Yamapi nods at me and returns to his precinct, and I watch through the window as he grabs a cupcake and saunters back to his office. Sometimes I wonder what goes through that man’s head, but then I realize that I probably wouldn’t understand it anyway.

::

My ‘somewhere to be’ is actually home, where I have to nearly bang pots against Ryo’s ears to wake his ass up. He’s on Ohkura’s schedule now and sleeps during the day, which seems pointless to me since they only see each other two nights a week.

“Whaaaaaaaaat,” Ryo drawls out, twisting away from me and flinging his hand sleepily in retaliation. “The sun is still up, fucker.”

“We have straight company for dinner,” I hiss. “We need a game plan.”

Ryo rolls back over and raises an eye. “ _Why_ do we have straight company for dinner?”

“Because I sort of invited Kei’s cop partner over,” I say quickly. “He’s really nice, like the kind of person who brightens up a cloudy day.”

“Sounds like you’re trying to ‘turn’ him too,” Ryo comments. “Officer _Feelings_ want a threesome or something?”

“ _No_ ,” I reply, smacking him in the back of the head. “Get _up_. He really likes food and is expecting something awesome.”

“You’re unbelievable,” Ryo mutters as he practically falls out of bed and finds his robe. “While your boyfriend is away, you feel the need to entertain his coworkers. I’m making the most phallic meal you can think of.”

“In that case, I’m inviting Tegoshi too,” I threaten back. “You’ll cream yourself when you see how he eats anything cylindrical.”

Ryo looks thoughtful. “Is that considered cheating?”

I roll my eyes and leave his room, heating up some leftovers for lunch while I wait for him to get out of the shower. He’s not much more awake when he stumbles into the kitchen, but he has enough strength to push me out of the way and hover over the open fridge, making a mental grocery list.

“Do I have to lie?” he finally says, frowning with disapproval.

“No,” I answer reluctantly. “At least about yourself. If he asks you directly, I don’t expect you to lie.”

“But if he asks about you…” Ryo bangs his head on the closed freezer door. “After all these years, you still hide it from everyone. You’re not the only gay lawyer in Tokyo, you know.”

“For Kei,” I say firmly. “It’s his place to tell his own partner, don’t you think?”

“You and your fucking loopholes,” Ryo whines. “You should have been a defense attorney.”

I pat him on the back. “Thanks, Ryo-chan. I’ll buy you something nice.”

“Actually, I owe you anyway,” he says, the tips of his ears turning red. “It’s because of you that Tacchon and I are together, so if you want me to lie tonight, I’ll do it.”

I smile and lean on the counter island as I finish my lunch. “I never asked what happened with that.”

“It was nothing, really,” Ryo tells me with a casual shrug. “I took your advice and told him how I feel, and he felt like an ass and made it up to me. Several times.” He smirks.

“And the girlfriend?” I prod.

“He doesn’t want to tell her.” Ryo sighs. “He hasn’t even really admitted he’s gay yet, so I’m not surprised. Baby steps.”

“Maybe he’s just gay for _you_ ,” I point out.

Ryo rolls his eyes as he grabs his keys and looks at me expectantly. “That’s not possible.”

“Sure it is,” I reply, pulling out my wallet and giving him whatever cash is in it. “Kei is only gay for me.”

Ryo laughs and pockets the money. “I think Officer _Feelings_ would be gay for anyone who stroked him the right way. You just happened to be the first one to try.”

I blink and Ryo’s gone, the door swinging shut behind him as he heads to the store. I eat the rest of my lunch thoughtfully, trying not to feel too strongly and possibly mess up Koyama’s productive day.

By the time I head back to work, I’m not that confident anymore that Ryo doesn’t make a very good point.

::

Tegoshi actually does end up showing up for dinner, but it’s more of a dine-and-dash as he dumps _all_ of his cases on me in order to go to Osaka.

“There are other prosecutors in our jurisdiction, you know,” I tell him.

“Yeah, but they’re either busy or stupid.” Tegoshi pouts. “ _Please_? Trust me, you want me to go.”

My eyes immediately widen. “Is it Kei? Did something go wrong?”

Tegoshi bites his lip. “It’s fine, it’s just… Osaka lawyers get their degrees from Happy Meals, it seems like. If I don’t show them how to properly retain evidence, all of Kei-chan’s hard work will be for nothing.”

I calm down and immediately look at Masuda to become a little more cheerful. He’s actually taken a break from eating to stare at Tegoshi, who doesn’t seem to realize that the other is here.

“Do you two know each other?” I ask slowly.

Tegoshi casually glances over and nearly jumps back. “Massu!”

“Yuuya-kun, I thought that was you,” Masuda says pleasantly. “Did you get a nose job?”

Tegoshi immediately covers his nose and glances warily at me. “… No.”

Massu chuckles and covers his mouth as he eats some more. “Sorry, I must be mistaken.”

I’m giving Tegoshi a highly amused look, and he turns to face me with his usual elite stance. “Masuda-kun and I went to middle school together. I haven’t seen him since.”

“Please, have a seat,” Ryo says with an evil smirk, stretching his leg under the table to kick out the empty chair next to Masuda. “There’s enough for everybody.”

Tegoshi seems to be considering it. “My train doesn’t leave for a couple hours…”

“You shouldn’t travel on an empty stomach,” Masuda says seriously. “You’ll be much more relaxed if you’re not hungry.”

Tegoshi blinks. “You haven’t changed a bit.”

Masuda grins, lighting up the entire room.

Looking like he wants to laugh, Ryo hops up to make Tegoshi a plate. I notice that he gives him an extra-thick chimichanga and lean back in my seat, waiting for the awkwardness to unfold.

“I don’t get it,” I say to Tegoshi. “How can Masuda-kun be Kei’s partner and you haven’t seen him for so long?”

Tegoshi chokes a little on the water Ryo’s just poured for him. “Kei-chan and I don’t hang out _that_ much, Shige. It’s usually work, and when it’s not he doesn’t exactly talk about his job.”

Still suspicious, I turn towards Masuda. “Certainly Kei has talked about Tegoshi before to you.”

Masuda nods, expression unwavering. “I hear he’s a very successful prosecutor. Good job, Yuuya-kun. I always knew you would be somebody someday.”

Tegoshi stares at his plate, his usual arrogance gone. “Thanks.”

Ryo and I exchange a glance, and he mouths “awkward” as I nod and search my brain for something to break the ice. “So what kind of cases are these, Tegoshi?” I ask, trying not to sound too forced. “Anything good?”

“Actually, I’m going to owe you for one of them,” Tegoshi mumbles, snapping right back into his normal self. “You shouldn’t have to go to court for this while I’m gone, but I’m in the middle of bargaining a plea for armed robbery.”

“That doesn’t sound too bad,” I say. “I’ve settled many times.”

Tegoshi looks away. “The defense attorney is Akanishi Jin.”

Surprisingly, Ryo is the one who chokes on his food. I’ve heard of the guy – sleazy lawyer, even sleazier reputation – and while I’m not looking forward to looking at him, I’m much more interested in how _Ryo_ knows him. “Ryo?”

Ryo’s face is bright red when he can finally breathe again, and he immediately smirks at Tegoshi. “Does this Akanishi guy respond well to blackmail?”

Tegoshi’s eyes light up, but mine roll to the ceiling. “Is there anyone in this city you haven’t slept with?” I snap before thinking.

In response, Ryo stares incredulously back at me, and my entire body freezes except my eyes that roam towards Masuda. He seems to be putting it together, nodding when he figures it out. “Oh.”

“Shige, I need to talk to you in private,” Tegoshi says in what seems like all one word, using strength I didn’t know he possessed to drag me down the hall into the bathroom.

He looks around. “Wow, you really are queer.”

I punch him in the shoulder, but only mean it a little bit. “We had to compromise. What do you want?”

“Massu…” Tegoshi glances towards the rainbow-colored unicorn-shaped soaps on the sink. “Massu and I aren’t friends anymore because he had a crush on me in the eighth grade. I know damn well that he’s Kei-chan’s partner, but Kei-chan senses that I don’t want to talk about him, so we don’t. He’s never asked why. I am a horrible person, I know, but I am so uncomfortable right now and if you guys start like _bonding_ about it, I’m going to die.”

I fold my arms and lean against the wall. “At least you’re honest.”

Tegoshi inhales sharply and flashes a smile. “If I feel anymore guilty about it, Kei-chan will think something is weird. I hardly ever feel guilty.”

“Do you think he still likes you?” I ask cynically. “It’s been so long.”

He shrugs. “I honestly don’t know, but that one time was enough to scar me for life.” Something in his voice tells me that we’re not talking about a simple confession here. “I’m just going to pretend that I have to leave and… just go handle business in Osaka. Sorry, Shige.”

Gently he pushes past me and out the door, muttering meaningless apologies to Ryo and Masuda before the front door closes behind him.

Ryo looks solemn as I return to the table. “I don’t like that kid anymore,” he mutters, unimpressed.

“He means well,” Masuda says, his smile turned thoughtful. “I think I freaked him out when we were younger, though.”

I nod. “Apparently I’ve tried to kiss him while drunk. He finds it amusing.”

“I did more than that,” Masuda says with a laugh, completely nonchalantly. “Only we were both completely sober and willing.”

Ryo laughs out loud, then I feel a hard smack to the back of my head. “Your gaydar sucks!” he yells at me.

“What?” I exclaim, turning to face him. “You wouldn’t have known either! Look at him!”

We both stare at Masuda, who just grins. “Oh, I’m not gay,” he tells us casually. “Everyone experiments, right?”

“I guess,” I think out loud. “Some of us just don’t _stop_ experimenting.”

Ryo’s practically hysterical. “I cannot believe you had me pretend to be _straight_ for this guy.”

“I don’t mind at all,” Masuda says brightly. “I try not to judge. It’s not my place, you know?”

“I like him,” Ryo says to nobody in particular. “He can come over for dinner as much as he wants.”

Masuda’s grin gets even wider. “Thank you, Nishikido-kun!”

I lean my elbows on the table, bringing my hands to my face. The only thing I can even think of right now is that Yamapi is more observant than anyone gives him credit for, even if he himself has no idea.

::

Tegoshi’s workload plus my own kicks my ass for the next week. I take care of Akanishi real quickly by letting Ryo tag along to the plea bargain meeting at his swanky office. He gets this deer-in-the-headlight look and offers a pretty generous plea without even consulting with his client – proving his guilt – which I then mail to Tegoshi and wait about forty-five seconds for his surprised approval.

_Never underestimate the power of gay blackmail_ , I type to him, feeling a little smug as Akanishi begs me to not tell everyone at my office so that he doesn’t have to change precincts.

I don’t agree, but only because Ryo told me that Akanishi had gotten a little rough with him.

“How do you sleep at night?” Ryo jokes as we head to the courthouse with my plea.

“Like a baby,” I reply.

Only one of Tegoshi’s cases is actually in court, coincidentally the same day as one of mine. It’s a really obvious murder trial, on day forty-seven or something, and Tegoshi only fills in when the other prosecutor needs time off. It’s more like baby-sitting, really, saying ‘objection’ every once in awhile as the old-as-dirt defense attorney questions everybody and their grandmother related to the defendant.

Aragaki Yui is halfway asleep by the time my case ends and I sneak into her courtroom, poking her in the arm to announce my presence. “No further questions, Your Honor,” she mumbles, then pops her eyes open and jumps. No one seems to have heard her, particularly the man who is pacing the floor and rambling about DNA while a bored-looking doctor sits in the witness chair.

“He’s been questioning this guy for _three days_ ,” she whispers. “It’s the seventh ‘specialist’ he’s brought in.”

“You have the patience of a saint, Gakki,” I tell her. “Go to your appointment.”

“Where’s Yuuya?” she asks as she quietly gathers her things. “Did his abduction case heat up?”

“Osakan lawyers are incompetent, apparently,” I say.

“Takes one to know~” she sings under her breath, smirking at me. Then she leans down and points to the defense attorney. “That’s what happens when they get old.”

I almost snort, covering my mouth just in time as she sneaks out and leaves me to what is sure to be the most boring afternoon of my life. Gakki had gone to law school with Tegoshi and me, but she went the defense attorney route instead. She just recently saw the light and joined our office, which is a point in our favor because she is familiar with a lot of the defense attorneys in this area.

She’s also a girl, which means that she gets the boring cases. Not my decision, but she doesn’t seem to mind.

“Council?” the judge asks a couple hours later, earning my attention. “Do you have any questions for the witness?”

“None that haven’t been asked already,” I reply, having skimmed Gakki’s notes and seen that she’s already questioned him.

The judge hides a smile and calls a recess.

I try to get some of my own work done so that I don’t have to stay late at the office, but ten minutes isn’t a lot of time and I shoot a quick mail to Ryo to tell him I won’t be home for dinner. My phone vibrates a few minutes later, but since court has just resumed I silence it without even looking at it. Probably just Ryo mailing me back and being a bitch.

Someone else actually gets sworn in on the stand, and after flipping through Gakki’s notes three times I don’t see this girl’s name anywhere. It’s just my luck that I would have to sit in on a day where we actually have to _do_ something. My phone buzzes again and I ignore it, quickly scanning the fourteen or so pages that read like a summary for when Tegoshi takes over. Tegoshi’s written his own notes in the margins, but they’re not very related to the case. Unless badly-drawn hearts and unidentifiable doodles are related.

I get about five minutes into this girl’s testimony before I conclude that she has no credibility and is probably on drugs. She claims she was with the defendant on the night of the murder, despite the abundance of DNA evidence and the defendant’s own statement that he doesn’t remember a goddamned thing. When asked what they were doing, she made an obscene hand gesture and said, “You know…”

Gakki is going to be so _pissed_ that she missed this. I don’t even try to hide my amusement as I lean back, purposefully scraping the legs of my chair against the floor, and wait for my fun.

An hour and forty-five minutes later, she’s my witness. It’s a credit to how long this trial has commenced that nobody really cares that I’m not Gakki. “How long have you known the defendant?” I ask politely.

“About four months,” she answers clearly.

I consult my notes. “Did you meet on the night of the murder?”

“Yes.”

“And you engaged in sexual intercourse with him between the hours of eleven p.m. and two a.m.?”

“Yes.”

I look at her oddly. “The entire time?”

Half of the jury looks like they want to laugh. Those poor people. The girl just sits up straight in her chair and gives me an unimpressed look. “Not the _whole_ time. We did it a couple times.”

I pace a little bit, kill some time. “Would you say you were his girlfriend?”

“Not at all,” she says. “I was hired.”

I almost trip over my feet. “And what is your occupation?”

“Escort.”

A low roar of hushed whispers sound, enough for the judge to bang his gavel a couple times. I’m staring at him in amazement, wondering why on earth this girl was allowed to take the stand, and then something occurs to me. “Did you know the victim?”

“Yes. She was my colleague. I’m devastated over her death.”

She’s lying. I don’t even need to look at her, I can… I can just feel it. She burns with hatred for the victim and when she raises her eyes to me, I feel her hatred for me too. “Were you friends?”

“Not at all.”

“Enemies?”

“No. We stayed out of each other’s way. She had her regulars and I had mine.”

I spin around, consider doing a little dance as I decide how to go about doing this, and that’s when I actually get a good look at the defendant. Early thirties, bad mustache, one of Ryo’s old bosses.

He glares at me, probably wondering why I’m looking at him like I know him. Clearly he doesn’t remember me, so I just lick my lips and stare at him. “Three hours, huh? Was it good?”

“Objection,” the old fart says. “Relevance?”

I try not to laugh. “Your Honor, I’d like this witness arrested for perjury pending a medical exam which will prove that this man is in fact impotent.”

“What!” the girl shrieks, standing up and addressing the defendant. “You didn’t tell me that!”

“Give her a drug test too,” I add.

“Order!” the judge roars over her screaming and the shocked crowd.

The defendant meets my eyes; he’s more embarrassed than guilty, and it makes me second-guess my involvement in this case. My phone buzzes again and I automatically turn it off, staring into this man’s eyes that show nothing but innocence.

“I’m sorry,” I mouth.

“This is bullshit!” the girl is shouting as she gets cuffed. “I would never have agreed to this if I had known… you’ll rot in hell, you limp dick fucker!”

“Limp dick fucker,” I repeat in awe.

“You promised to keep me out of jail! That dumb whore wasn’t worth it! You’re not worth it!”

The defense attorney immediately gets to his feet. “I know nothing of this. She came to me this morning and said she had an alibi, and I said that she would be protected from prostitution charges.”

I look at him and know he’s telling the truth. He’s too old to be conniving, even if he is Osakan.

_Defendant doesn’t remember anything from the night of the murder_ , Gakki’s notes stand out at me. _His DNA all over the victim. Why are we still here?_

“Order!” the judge is practically yelling. “It’s five minutes to the end of business. If there’s nothing else, Council, court is adjourned for the day.”

I put my face in my hands. Gakki is going to _kill_ me.

The girl laughs manically. “If I’m going to jail, it’s going to be for twisting her pretty little neck! Let go of me!”

My eyes pop open as I turn to stare at her. “What?”

My opposing council looks like he’s about to have a heart attack.

The defendant smiles. “Keep talking, you crazy bitch,” he says in an amused voice.

She doesn’t hear him, but she keeps going anyway. “She stole all of my clients! It was so perfect, setting her up with him. He didn’t know any difference, he was so fucked up. And to think, I came today to get him _off_.”

I don’t think he’s ‘getting off’ anytime soon, but I don’t feel the need to reiterate. “Did you kill her?” I ask firmly.

She takes a breath and stares at me, her words catching up to her. “I want a lawyer,” is all she says.

The judge looks at me. “Council? You have two-and-a-half minutes. What do you want to do?”

What else could I do? “Prosecution moves to drop the charges against the defendant and file new charges against the witness..”

“Granted.”

The jury looks like they love me and hate me at the same time.

Then the defense attorney really does fall to the floor, clutching at his chest. I am _never_ going to live this down.

“Bitches,” the defendant says to me as his cuffs are unlocked. “Thanks, man.”

I watch the girl get practically dragged out of the courtroom and recall one of the many reasons why I’m gay.

::

Gakki’s waiting for me when I return to the office. “Explain.”

“Hey, I just got your neverending case thrown out!” I say defensively. “The heart attack wasn’t my fault.”

“Stroke,” she corrects me. “I heard all about it before you even left the courthouse. Haven’t you checked your phone?”

“Oh, I had to turn it off,” I remember, pulling it out now and turning it back on. “Someone kept mailing me while I was trying to figure out how to _wing your case_.”

“How did you know he was impotent?” Gakki asks. “That’s the only part that doesn’t make sense.”

I’m glad the rest of it makes sense to _someone_. “He was my roommate’s boss for two weeks, and everyday he would come home and whine because this guy would spend their entire shift talking about it,” I tell her. “He was trying to relish the new life he had without being led by his dick, or something.”

“I don’t know whether to punch you or kiss you,” she says, gaping at me.

“Neither, please,” I say with a smirk as I scroll through my messages. “You’re not my type.”

She rolls her eyes. “Nobody’s your type, Kato-kun.”

I barely hear her as my attention locks on a message from Ryo. _Get home, now_. I ignore the rest of them and hit the speed-dial, shifting my weight nervously as the most unlikely person walks into the room.

“What are you doing here?!” we both ask at the same time, then Tegoshi runs his hand through his hair. That is the sure sign that Something Is Wrong, because Tegoshi never touches his hair for fear of messing up its perfection.

“I sent Kei-chan to your house like… a couple hours ago,” he tells me, wringing his hands. “Why aren’t you there?”

“Kei…” My heart drops into my stomach as I shake my phone, like that will make Ryo answer it faster. I try Koyama’s phone next, then turn right around and walk out the door.

Tegoshi follows me. “I wouldn’t have sent him there if I had known you weren’t there!” he’s calling after me. “It’s not good for him to be with people he doesn’t trust!”

“I was sitting in on your goddamn court case!” I yell back to him, furious already. “That I got thrown out, by the way. You’re welcome.”

“Really?” Tegoshi asks. “We were about to beat the record for longest trial in this jurisdiction.”

I roll my eyes. “How bad was he?”

“He was a little out of it,” Tegoshi admits, rushing to keep in step with me. “Really clingy. Kept asking for you.”

“Did you find the little girl?”

Tegoshi grabs my arm until I stop, then catches his breath. “Yeah, but she was dead. He’d already killed her. It wasn’t her father – her father was there too. The sick fuck was doing things to the guy’s daughter while he made him watch. The cops didn’t get there fast enough, Shige, and Kei-chan kept slipping in and out of consciousness as he felt everything in real time. He practically had a seizure when she was murdered, and it took the entire drive back from Osaka to calm him down.”

I cover my face with my free hand, the guilt washing over me. I should have checked my phone, I could have gotten out of court, Gakki would have cracked her case eventually. “The father, is he still alive?”

“Oh yeah,” Tegoshi says, finally letting go of my arm. “The guy will get convicted, no doubt. Shige, listen, about Kei-chan-”

“I have to get to him,” I interrupt, not apologetic at all as I bolt the remaining distance to the train station.

I happen to catch the train that’s already there, but it isn’t going nearly fast enough. I almost knock over everyone between me and the exit when it reaches my stop, and I don’t stop running until I’ve reached my apartment building and push the elevator button as many times as it takes for the doors to open.

When I walk through my front door, I suddenly wish that I had never taken on Tegoshi’s kidnapping case in the first place. I can only see over the back of the couch, but I see enough, and I make sure the door slams loudly behind me as I go right back to the office and plan on sleeping there tonight. I have work to do anyway.

As the sun sets, Tegoshi pokes his head in and offers me one of the two lattes he has in his hands. “Is there anything I can do to help you? I feel a little lost without any work. You did it all.”

My head drops to my arms, my sobs silent until I speak. “I have court in the morning. I haven’t had a chance to prepare.”

“I’ll do it,” Tegoshi offers, petting my head awkwardly as he grabs the open case file on my desk. “I owe you, right?”

“It’s boring,” I tell him. “Insurance fraud.”

“It’s okay,” he assures me, lingering in the doorway to my office. “Um, and I’m sorry about Kei-chan.”

I snort. “Fuck him. Fuck both of them.”

Tegoshi frowns and disappears before I can lose my composure completely. Koyama and his stupid emotions have rubbed off on me. Koyama and his stupid emotions who was bouncing up and down on my stupid roommate. I don’t know who to be angrier at. I hope he can feel this and I really hope it ruins his good time.

Gakki appears in the doorway next, seeming unfazed as to my mood. “Yuuya thought you might need some company,” she tells me, a promise in her voice that implies exactly what kind of company she’s offering.

Without a second thought, I motion for her to come in and she locks the door behind her.

::

I don’t feel any better three days later, after I’ve showered at Tegoshi’s place and acquired a permanent crick in my neck from sleeping on my desk. I didn’t fuck Gakki, just made out with her a bit since my body clearly wasn’t interested. It’s been a long time since I’ve been with a girl and I suppose I’m just as gay now as I was then. We were both kind of relieved when nothing happened and spent the rest of the night talking about Koyama and Ryo and who was really at fault.

On the third day, I actually have to leave the building because it’s Sunday and they’re doing all of the hard cleaning. Unless I want to sit on my desk while the carpets dry, I need to find somewhere else to go. I walk aimlessly around downtown Tokyo, remembering that first time less than a month ago when the nice little old lady had pulled me into the ramen shop. Now I wonder if she’d done it on purpose, if Tegoshi had even played his part on purpose.

Cynical Kato Shigeaki, this is your punishment for everything you’ve ever done wrong in your life. I laugh in spite of it all. I can’t be mad at Ryo – we’ve been friends too long. ‘Bros before hoes’ even applies to people like us. I can’t see him initiating it, either; Koyama had to have jumped him first. Which is very probable considering it’s exactly what he told me he would do. Ryo has a boyfriend, but he’s only a man. I wonder where Ohkura is, if he knows. If he even cares. Maybe I should go fuck _him_. Would that make it okay?

The streets are abnormally empty for a Sunday afternoon, and that’s when I realize it’s Christmas Day. Too preoccupied to even remember _Christmas_. It’s not that big deal of a holiday to me, but I usually try to see my parents if it falls on a weekend. They don’t really have much going on and I miss them.

A hand touches my shoulder, making me jump, but I don’t have to turn around to know who it is. “How did you find me?”

Ryo chuckles. “With the signals you’re sending out, Officer _Feelings_ is better than GPS.”

I cringe at the mention of _him_ , even by nickname, and Ryo pushes at my arm until I turn around. Reluctantly I raise my eyes, ignoring the sting in them as I see Ryo’s face for the first time in days.

“What kind of person are you that you won’t even let your best friend explain?” he asks calmly. “Aren’t you a lawyer? Don’t you hear the whole story before making assumptions?”

“Not when you’re fucking my boyfriend on my couch,” I say darkly.

“I’d like to see evidence of that,” Ryo says mockingly. “Because _I_ certainly haven’t fucked anybody since _your_ boyfriend showed up at our door whining about seeing _you_.”

“I know what I saw, Ryo,” I tell him. “You don’t bounce up and down on someone’s lap and moan when you’re being comforted by a friend.”

“You’ll need to take that up with him,” Ryo responds. “I just let him do what he needed to do since you weren’t there. I didn’t touch him.”

“I won’t let you make this my fault,” I say firmly. “You should have locked yourself in your room or something.”

“Why, so he could go fuck someone else?” Ryo asks sarcastically. “You didn’t see him, Shige. He was so hurt that I almost did it _for_ you. In fact, the reason I didn’t do it had nothing to do with you at all – it had to do with Tacchon. Tegoshi had already pushed him away and he probably would have gone to the next person who looked at him if I hadn’t let him rub off on me.”

I stare at the Christmas tree in front of me and watch it sparkle in the rare sunlight on such a dreary day, not saying a word.

“It wasn’t hot at all,” Ryo says insistently. “He was crying the whole time and really upset with himself. I kept telling him it was okay, but he could feel that I didn’t want it and he was absolutely humiliated that he couldn’t stop. Shige, fuck, where _were_ you? I tried to mail you like a hundred times.”

“I was in court,” I mumble. “It couldn’t be helped. I didn’t know he was coming back- dammit, he needs to learn how to control it!” I’m raising my voice, but nobody is really around to hear it. “I’m not always going to be able to be there when shit like this happens! I have a job too! He’s a grown man who needs to be able to control his urges just like every other adult in this world!”

“It’s never been like that before,” a third voice speaks up, and I automatically close my eyes to the indescribable feeling that encompasses me. “I told Yamapi I’m never doing that again. It was horrible, Shige. The things I felt, I never want to feel again. It wasn’t even worth it in the end. I know you won’t believe me, but I didn’t have my own mind. All I wanted was a warm body to make me feel alive.”

“You are entirely too calm,” I tell him. “Shouldn’t you be crying?”

“I would be,” Koyama says, “if you weren’t feeling so hopeful.”

Ryo breathes a sigh of relief at those words. “Oh thank fuck.” He pats me on the shoulder. “You two make up, I’m going home. It’s fucking cold out here.”

I don’t say anything as he leaves, nor when Koyama steps closer to me. I try to will him back, forcefully thinking things like ‘get the fuck away from me’, but then his arms are around my waist, squeezing through my thick coat.

“Nice try,” he says quietly. “Those kinds of emotions you can’t force.”

“I don’t think we should see each other anymore,” I say firmly. “Regardless of what I feel.”

He lets go of me, and I pretend not to hear him cry as I walk away.

::

Ryo and Ohkura kiss cutely, lasting a little too long for my liking. “Hey, hey,” I say, smacking Ryo on the shoulder with a magazine. Much like I do to Nana when she’s being bad. “Third wheel present.”

“Aw, does Shige want a kiss?” Ohkura teases, leaning towards me with his lips puckered.

“No thanks,” I say with a smirk. “I know where those have been.”

Ryo snorts and automatically scoots over as a little girl and little boy come trampling out from Ryo’s bedroom. “Daddy, the movie’s over! Is it midnight yet?”

“It is,” Ohkura tells them, scooping them both up and getting a kiss on either cheek from both of them. “Happy New Year!”

“Happy New Year!” they chorus, then the girl turns to Ryo. “Please continue to take care of my daddy next year too!”

The boy echoes it, and Ryo looks like he’s about to cry. Predictably.

Ohkura’s daughter settles herself in Ryo’s lap as Ohkura puts an arm around him, creating such a picture perfect moment that I have my phone out and snapping before any of them can argue.

The kids are smiling, but Ryo and Ohkura are glancing at each other in a way that can only be captured in a picture.

“You should send it to Mommy!” the boy declares.

Ohkura cracks up. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

On impulse, I send it to Koyama. I think he would want to know that someone got a happy ending around here.

Five minutes later, there’s a knock on the door. “Are you expecting anyone?” I ask the other two, who shake their heads and go back to playing with the kids.

I half-expect it to be Koyama, but I certainly don’t expect Yamapi in full uniform. “Happy New Year,” I greet him, not even trying to hide my surprise. “Are you on duty tonight?”

“Kato Shigeaki-san,” Yamapi booms in a very fake, very official-sounding voice. “I am here to notify you that we have apprehended a pervert staring in your windows. He’s admitted to stalking you all night, and will turn himself in provided you want to press charges.”

He pulls Koyama into my sight by his collar.

Ryo shows up behind me and eyes Yamapi. “Ooh, the stripper’s here.”

I smack him while Ohkura shakes with concealed laughter and covers his kids’ ears.

Yamapi’s lip twitches.

“That’s some talent, isn’t it?” Ryo says, elbowing me in the side. “Peeping from _ten stories down_. I never would have guessed that somebody could actually do that.”

“He doesn’t need to see to peep,” I point out, folding my arms.

“Can we hurry this up?” a surprising voice behind Yamapi speaks up. “If I have to pull a judge out of a party to bond him, I’d rather he not be completely smashed.”

My jaw drops when my suspicions are confirmed and Akanishi Jin, the sleazy defense attorney, relieves Yamapi of his burden and grabs Koyama’s collar for his own.

“Do you want to press charges, Kato-san?” Yamapi asks with a straight face.

“God no,” I reply. “I wouldn’t subject my worst enemy to be defended by that guy.”

“Hey,” Yamapi says sternly, pointing his finger in my face. “I wouldn’t talk about your roommate like that.”

Just when I think I can’t be anymore shocked tonight, Jin drapes himself over Yamapi’s shoulders while pushing Koyama right towards me. “Happy New Year,” he drawls, flashing a smirk identical to the one that forms on Yamapi’s face as they both turn and head down the hallway.

I don’t even know what to do, so I settle for gaping at Koyama. Nana goes crazy and barks at his feet, not even thinking about running out the open door as she tries to climb Koyama’s legs.

“My dog missed you,” I tell him needlessly.

He leans down to pick her up, oblivious to the face bath he’s getting as he looks at me. “And her owner?”

“I missed you too!” Ryo hollers out from the kitchen.

I blink. “What was that all about just now?”

Koyama actually laughs. “Yamapi’s on duty tonight since half of the force called off, and he likes to have a little fun on his shifts.” He pauses. “I really wasn’t stalking you.”

“I know,” I say. “You don’t have to stalk me to… stalk me.”

“That’s not entirely my fault,” he points out. “You were-”

“Will you close the fucking door?” Ryo yells. “I’m not heating up the whole building here!”

Nana jumps from Koyama’s arms as he rushes to pull the door closed.

“Will you shut the hell up for five minutes?” I yell back.

Ohkura and the kids are all watching us intently. Koyama gives them a little wave and they all wave back.

“Is it okay to take this to your room?” Koyama asks quietly.

“Yeah,” I agree reluctantly, leading the way.

“As I was saying,” Koyama picks up from where he left off as I close my door and lock it for good measure. “I’ve been continuing to tune into you because you haven’t stopped calling for me.”

“The only thing I’m calling is bullshit,” I say. “I haven’t even thought about you until I mailed you tonight.”

“Liar,” he hisses. “Do you think I would waste my time if that were true?”

“Yes,” I reply.

He fixes me with an unimpressed look. “You were going to sleep with Yui-chan.”

“But I didn’t,” I point out. “How do you know about that, anyway?”

“Tegoshi isn’t the only criminal prosecutor I work with,” Koyama tells me. “I should thank you, because your guilt is what finally pulled me out of my funk. The minute you kissed her, I came to my senses and pushed Ryo away. You can ask him yourself.”

“You’re welcome,” I say sarcastically. “Is this conversation over?”

“No.” Koyama pulls something out of his pocket and tosses it on my bed. It’s a pair of handcuffs, and my eyes widen. “Somehow I think offering you my body won’t be enough.”

Despite my anger, despite my stubbornness, I can’t stop the goosebumps from forming at the thought of cuffing Koyama to my bed and having my way with him.

“Got ya,” Koyama says with a smirk.

“Not fair,” I mumble, pouting like a child. “You play dirty.”

“You have no idea.” Koyama slowly steps towards me, licking his lips. “I’ve fallen in love with you, Shige,” he says as he tentatively touches my arm. “Why won’t you let yourself forgive me?”

“Because you haven’t apologized!” I blurt out.

He blinks. “Seriously? That’s all you want?”

“You humped my roommate!” I raise my voice. “Regardless of the reasons behind it, isn’t it still something that you should apologize for?”

“Do you want me to bow?” Koyama asks sincerely.

“Yes!” I exclaim. “And mean it!”

Instantly Koyama drops to the floor and chants ‘I’m sorry’ over and over again. I’m about to pull him up when he launches into this speech about how Ryo is definitely not attractive, how the only one he sees like that is me, especially not Ryo who is not attractive in any way.

“Hey,” I stop him, hands on my hips. “He’s not that bad-looking.”

Koyama’s eyes flicker up towards me and practically turn green with jealousy. I’m about to point it out, but then his face is pressing between my legs and I have to grab onto his head to keep from falling over. “K-Kei, what are you doing?”

“I thought while I was down here, I’d do something productive,” he mumbles into my crotch.

I think about stopping him, but then I’m in his mouth. He knows exactly what to do and I don’t think anyone else will ever be able to compare to him, ever. I’m so disoriented when I’m done that he has to pull me down to the floor, where I immediately slide down his body to return the favor.

“It’s okay,” he tells me. “I already did.”

I look up at him and catch my breath as I lay my head on his belly. “Did you even-”

“I didn’t have to,” he says with an embarrassed smile. “Yours was strong enough to ignite mine.”

We lay like that on my floor for a good couple minutes. Nana, who had snuck in with us and stayed out of the way, now retrieves something jingly from my bed and puts it down right next to my head.

I have to lean up as Koyama laughs, while I can only shake my head. “It doesn’t get more blatant than that,” I comment out loud.

Koyama makes grabby hands for me, and it’s so cute that I can’t stop myself from leaning in to kiss him. He immediately clutches onto me and coils his body around mine, and I know right then that this is how it’s supposed to be. Me and Officer _Feelings_ – civil servants by day, lovers by night.

Koyama giggles as he pulls away. “Shige loves me.”

“Are you ever going to let me say it?” I feign exasperation. “Maybe you want to fuck yourself too.”

“I tried that already,” Koyama says with a pout. “It didn’t work.”

I blink a few times and try to compose myself. “Oh my god.”

He grins and pulls me in for a kiss, which quickly turns into a heated make-out session as I think about what he was doing without me. I sure hope my dog isn’t watching as we join together, _finally_ , his mind nearly gone from feeling my pleasure as well as his. All he can do is whisper my name over and over, his body shuddering as I make love to him with every fiber of my being. I last much longer this time and make him finish twice more by the time I achieve my own release, moaning into his neck as he arches his back like he’s letting go a third time.

It’s awhile before I can speak, and even then I’m too preoccupied by rubbing the sore muscles that I caused. He sighs softly, blindly finding my lips and kissing me very lightly. “You okay?”

He nods, kissing me firmly and squirming a little. “Would it be okay to take a bath?”

“Yeah,” I tell him, then wrap us both up in my comforter to avoid unnecessary dressing just to walk across the hall.

Ryo pretends not to see us, but I do get a thumbs-up. Glad he approves.

Once we’re soaking in the bath, a little cramped in a tub that’s only meant for one person, I take my time massaging the shampoo into his hair and remember something that’s been eating at me for awhile. “How did you know I liked water lilies?”

“What?” he asks, sounding confused. Then, “Oh, the flowers. I didn’t know. I just thought they were pretty.”

“Really?” I reply. “You didn’t probe around in my head and find a ‘favorites’ list or anything?”

“They’re your favorite?” Koyama replies excitedly. “How lucky! I really didn’t know.”

“I don’t believe you,” I mutter.

“Shige,” he says, leaning back to grin at me with a soapy head. “There _are_ some things in this world that are just coincidence, you know.”

And there are some things that go according to someone else’s plan.

> :: BONUS ~Ryo’s Story~

Yo, what up. I’m Nishikido Ryo and here’s how it goes. I just want to clear some things up so that you bitches don’t get the wrong idea about me. Sometimes that can happen when you only see one person’s side of a story.

First of all, Kato is gay because of me. Really. He was a scared-ass freshman who never loosened up until he had some Ryo in his life. If it wasn’t for me, this story would have been a lot more boring. True fact.

Also. I am not a _bum_ , okay. I can keep a job just fine. Except that every time I actually work, nothing gets done around the apartment and Kato gets fat on take-out, so it’s in both of our best interests for me to stay at home and play housewife. Not that I mind, although I worry what will happen to him when Tacchon gets rid of his old lady and moves me in instead. I hope Officer _Feelings_ knows how to cook.

The part where I cried like a lovesick girl… well, that’s true. Don’t judge me, you’d cry over that fine piece of man too. And it worked, didn’t it? I’m onto you bitches. I know how to work the tears. See, this is why I can’t be with girls. We think too much alike.

What else? Well, if I had been telling this story, it would have been a hell of a lot shorter. Kato is a wordy motherfucker. He likes to explain everything and over-explain everything until you’re like “I GET IT, SHUT UP ALREADY.” I should know, I’ve listened to him run his mouth for _years_. Pity me.

At any rate, this was both of our stories even if he kind of ignored me for most of it. I got a happy ending too, _before_ him even. But a lot of it had to do with our friendship, did you notice? Men – gay or straight – aren’t anything without their homeboys, and that’s the sole reason I wake up to his ugly face every morning. Theoretically, of course, except for that one time.

Oh, and I don’t have to be an empath to tell you that Yamapi and Jin are totally doing it. You heard it here first. But that’s a lawyer-and-cop story for another time, except in that one the cop is really hot and the lawyer is really slutty. So in other words, it will be a much better story with a lot more sex. There wasn’t nearly enough sex in this story, Kato you prude. Sex sells, baby, not mushy shit about _feelings_. Who are you trying to lure, Twilight fans? Unless Koyama sparkles when he comes, you’re not even close. Sorry.

As for Tegoshi? I’d still hit that, I don’t care how homophobic he is. It’s not cheating if he looks like a girl. Those of you who are wondering what happened with him and Masuda, Tegoshi kept stroking his own ego and Masuda kept eating my food. There are enough gay people in this story, okay. Not everyone loves the cock, even if it’s mine.

In the year after this story took place, Koyama and Kato broke up no less than once a month and kept getting back together (so dramatic), Tacchon told his baby mama about me, and Akanishi Jin ended up handcuffed to the memorial statue outside the courthouse _naked_ on Yamapi’s birthday.

See, that’s why I don’t fuck around with cops. Tacchon is a neurosurgeon who works the night shift at the hospital, which I never felt the need to tell Kato because I didn’t want to _rub it in his face_. Sometimes I can be considerate.

One more thing: Osakans fucking RULE, except those who weren’t raised there.

I think we all know who the real winner is here. Nishikido out.


End file.
